Chuck vs the fight
by Kate McK
Summary: What if we didn't have to wait until episodes 12/13 for Chuck and Sarah to sort themselves out? These are seperate stories covering episodes 2 to 11 on how it could have happened. Mainly one shots.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N Season 3 officially started airing here two weeks ago (I watched it on the internet as I have no patience) and it got me thinking. There were so many heart wrenching Charah moments in the first half of this season that was really hard to watch, so I decided to try and make it a little better. This is from episode 2, so if you feel like taking a trip down memory lane so to speak, I hope you enjoy this. It was also inspired by Model Homes from In-flight Safety – you don't want to know how long it took me to find that song. Chuck belongs to NBC and I hope they keep him around for a while.  
_

**Chuck vs the fight**

"You need to learn to ignore your emotions. Spies do not have feelings. Feelings get you killed. You need to learn to bury them in a place deep inside." Sarah swept at his head, slow enough to give Chuck time to duck. He grabbed the bow, shoving it aside.

"Sarah, stop." She went for his head again, faster this time. He ducked and then blocked the shot aimed at his body. And the next one aimed higher.

"Come on! Flash! Show me your attack skills!" Chuck bumped her bow of his and swept for the head, making sure it's high enough to miss. Hers stopped inches from his throat.

"Come on Chuck, flash! Show me!" Chuck just looked at her. He threw his bow down, taking a small step back.

"No."

"Why not?" Sarah was getting extremely frustrated.

"Because I don't want to hurt you." Defeated, he turned to walk away. Sarah was too quick for him. Spinning around, she swept his legs and he hit mat.

"Don't worry, Chuck," Sarah planted her bow firmly on the ground, "you can't."

Breathing hard, Chuck caught her eyes. It was all there. The anger. The frustration. The hurt.

He rolled over on his side, reached for her ankles and yanked her off balance. She hit the mat just like he did seconds before, lying flat on her back. He hoped it didn't hurt too much, but asking didn't seem to work. Chuck quickly crawled over her, pinning her hands above her head. He gripped her hips between his knees, mindful of keeping his groin out of the line of attack.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sarah tried to struggle free from his grip, but he was physically stronger. At least he got something out of spy school.

"You are going to listen to me." The determination in his eyes was unmistakable. Sarah closed hers. She needed to hang onto the anger. It wasn't hard, just thinking of him in Prague. Of being stuck here again. Having to see him every day. Anger was much easier to deal with.

"Look at me." Chuck spoke softly. Sarah shook her head, struggling again to get free.

"You're being childish. Just look at me. Please?" Spies don't say please. He's a terrible spy. He chose to be a terrible spy over being with her.

"Let go of me!"

"As soon as you hear me out." Chuck sighed. Why did she have to be so damn stubborn? It killed him to see her like this. Knowing it was his fault. But he can fix it, if she'll only listen. If she'll only look at him so she can see it's not just words. Sarah refused to open her eyes.

Chuck decided on the element of surprise. He lowered his head and kissed her. Caught off guard, Sarah stopped struggling from a moment. After two beats he felt her return the kiss. Chuck suddenly jerked his head up, catching his bottom lip in his mouth. She bit him. He was kind of expecting that. Sarah had her moves too. But at least she was looking at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't explain myself better in Prague."

"It doesn't matter." She needed to get out here and away from him. She needed time to bury her emotions before she turned into a terrible spy. Being a spy was all she had now.

"It does matter." Chuck was determined to make her understand. "I just couldn't run away with you, knowing what I'd turn my back on. Knowing that what I had in my head could help a lot of people. You're the one that taught me that being a spy is about choosing something bigger. It's about putting aside your own personal feelings for the greater good and that's what I chose. I chose to be a spy for my friends and my family and for you." Somewhere in the middle of his speech Sarah stopped struggling. Some of her anger dissipated. But he still had a lot of explaining to do.

"I'm so sorry that I hurt you. You have to know that I never meant to do that." Chuck was sounding very sincere, but Sarah wasn't ready to forgive him just yet. No one has ever broken her heart the way he did. She trusted him. She didn't only break the cardinal rule of spying, she broke her own rule as well. Never let anyone get too close. People just let you down in the end.

"Why are you telling me all of this now? What difference does it make?"

"Because I chose to be spy to be with you. That way we wouldn't have to run to be together. You wouldn't have to give up something you want...give up being a spy...to be with me. I did it for us." Sarah didn't respond. She didn't know how. Chuck sighed in defeat. That was it then. "I overheard your conversation with General Beckman. If you really want a reassignment, I'll speak to her."

That was the last thing Sarah expected. "You want me to leave?" He just apologised for hurting her, and then he goes and does it again.

"Of course not. I love you, Sarah. But if you'll be happier somewhere else...with someone else, I will let you go, hard as it will be. All I want is for you to be happy." Sarah took a shuddering breath. All the emotions she was determined to keep buried suddenly rose to the surface. She loved him too. There was no use denying it. If she could, she would. Things would be so much easier if she didn't love him. But she does and that limits her options. Before she made a decision, there was something else that needed to be cleared up.

Noticing that his grip had eased, she pushed him off balance and flipped him around. It was her turn to pin him to the ground. Chuck didn't attempt to break free.

"You said we could never have a future together." She always refused to believe that, even knowing that the situation they were in at the time made it impossible. But she always hoped that one day they would figure it out. What happened in Prague dashed that hope. Until now. Sarah never understood what prompted that conversation at the fountain. Given that it was probably a moot point after everything that happened after that, it still bugged her.

Chuck was taken aback. For two years now he felt guilty that he had to say all those things to her. That he was forced to lie to her, good intentions aside. "I lied and I'm sorry. But I had a good reason."

Sarah was getting frustrated again. "Not good enough, Chuck. Stop apologising and tell me the truth."

"I was afraid your feelings for me could get you killed. I couldn't take the chance that something bad could happen to you because of me. It was the only way I knew how to protect you."

"That never stopped you before." Sarah frowned. Something was off here.

"I never realised the seriousness of the situation before. I mean, I knew it was serious, but I always thought you could handle it. But when you didn't take the shot at the station...I realised that Bryce was right."

"Bryce put that idea in your head?" Sarah's eyes narrowed as the pieces started to fall into place. "And you listened to him?"

"Bryce was a good spy," Chuck tried to defend both himself and his diseased friend turned nemesis turned friend.

"Bryce was jealous." Damn Chuck, if he didn't insist to always see the good in people, he would know that. "I told him that we needed to keep the Andersons strictly a cover and his ego couldn't take it."

"I didn't know."

Sarah felt deflated. Sighing, she let go of Chuck. She sank to the ground, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her chest. Chuck followed suit, resting his elbows on his knees.

"You always assumed I would choose Bryce over you." It wasn't an accusation. It was a fact that never seemed to get through to Chuck. He was the one, not Bryce. She chose him three times over Bryce in the last three years. Twice over Cole Barker.

"Bryce always got the great girls." Chuck's statement brought up another sore point for Sarah.

"You didn't do too badly in that department yourself."

"Are you referring to the salami smuggler or the fulcrum agent?" Chuck tried to lighten the mood a little. Sarah wasn't that angry anymore and he was determined to keep it that way. "Lou was a mistake. She was a nice girl and I thought if I had a real relationship with someone else, I could keep things between us more professional. And Jill was a disaster five years in the making. We had some unfinished business from Stanford, but I should have dealt with it differently. Getting back together with her...it wasn't the same as before. Not just because of Bryce or her secret affiliations...but because I met you. What Jill and I had in the past could never compare to what I feel for you."

Sarah swallowed hard. She believed him, his eyes didn't lie. "This is quite a mess we made."

Chuck sighed. "I know. But I'm hoping we could clean it up." He was hopeful, but he didn't want to push her into something she didn't want.

"I have no idea where to start. They don't exactly teach this at the farm." If she let him in again, she needed to be better prepared.

"It's up to you, Sarah. You need to decide whether you are willing to stay and give this another shot. Or if we speak to Beckman about reassignment. I will support and respect whichever decision you make." Chuck took a deep breath. "But before you do, I need to be honest about one more thing."

Sarah held her breath, not sure where he was going with this.

"You know the kind of life I want. Marriage, kids, minivan, the whole package. I know that being a spy makes it difficult, but one day, when the spy life is over, that is what I want to fall back on. Nothing will make me happier if you decide to stay and share that with me. You're the one. But if you decide to leave, please understand that I will need to move on. I will need to find someone who is willing to share that dream with me. Someone who loves me and who I care about. As much as I love you, I intend to live my life the best I can. It may sound selfish, but I deserve to be happy. We both do. Promise me that if you leave, you would look for that too."

Sarah let out the breath she's been holding. That really put things into perspective for her. He deserved all of it. And if she couldn't give that to him, could she stand it if he found it with someone else who was willing? The past few months were hell, but it was all a really big, horrible misunderstanding. The choice was obvious.

"I don't want to leave you," she answered softly, "but I have a condition. Next time you make a life changing decision, discuss it with me first. Especially when it affects me directly. I love you too, but I can't go through this again."

"I promise. That's what real couples do, isn't it?" Chuck gave Sarah half a smile. She returned it.

"So where to from here?"

"Well," Chuck said as he got to his feet, "how about some sizzling shrimp and a movie?" He held out a hand to Sarah to help her up. "I think we can both use a little down time." Sarah didn't let go of his hand. Chuck noticed. This was more than he hoped for. He pulled her towards him, taking her other hand in his as well. "Thank you."

"For what?" Sarah found it difficult to follow his thinking sometimes.

"For forgiving me. And for saying you love me. I know how difficult that was for you."

Sarah didn't respond. Instead she reached up and gave him a soft kiss on his bottom lip. It was still slightly swollen. "I'm sorry I bit you."

Chuck grinned. "It's okay. I'm just glad you didn't take my head off with that bow."

"You still need to learn to use it."

Chuck let go of her hands and wrapped her in his arms. He bent his head down towards hers and whispered against her lips, "one mission at a time."

_A/N Booth inspired this as well. Maybe a little OOC for Chuck, so let's just assume he's a Bones fan as well. And before I get in trouble, I don't own Bones either. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Episode 3x03**

_A/N Okay, so the writers got away with their version of episode 2. Episode 3 should have gone like this...if I owned Chuck, which I don't._

Sarah cursed silently for about the three hundredth time that night. This was bad. Everything that could go wrong on a mission just did. Chuck took out the wrong guy. Okay, technically not his fault, the intel was wrong. He got them kicked out of the banquet. Sarah sighed. Unforeseen circumstances, not Chuck's fault either. The dancing bit was genius. And the dancing itself was... Focus Sarah! Casey has been captured. Devon and his stupid awesomeness. Okay, okay, he was just trying to help. Who knows what they were doing to the 'Angel of Death' right now. The premier was unprotected and the assassin was still on the loose. She needed to contact Beckman immediately. She cursed herself again. She should have taken her own car. Devon was driving like her grandmother. And she was sitting way too close to Chuck. At least he ignored her for the past half an hour, staring out his window. Sarah did the same. This was definitely not good for their 'friend' cover. Hopefully Ellie hadn't noticed. She was already suspicious given their little talk earlier. Ellie believed she still had feelings for Chuck. Luckily for now she seemed to be still in awe of her husband, the hero. And the heroic Captain Awesome just stopped in front of their apartment building. What the hell?

"Uhm, honey, we forgot to drop Sarah off," Ellie stated the obvious.

Devon looked at Sarah sheepishly. "Sorry. You were so quiet back there and I guess I was a little preoccupied." He wasn't the only one.

"It's okay," Sarah plastered on a fake smile. "I'm sure Chuck wouldn't mind taking me back to my place." This was actually good. They needed to get to Castle asap. "Chuck?" Sarah touched his shoulder lightly when he didn't respond. Chuck jerked upright.

"Wha...oh...sorry. I kinda fell asleep." They just screwed up the mission and he was sleeping? She shot him a look. He returned it with one that said 'don't kill me, bad for the cover'.

"No worries," Devon interrupted. "Why don't you and Ellie get some shut eye and I'll take Sarah to her hotel. You can barely keep your eyes open, bro. And you sweetheart," Devon leaned over to give his wife a quick kiss, "have the early shift tomorrow. I'll be back in no time." This was not sitting well with Sarah. She needed to get to Beckman. Plus she'd never been alone with Devon before and it made her a bit uncomfortable. What would they even talk about?

Sarah was snapped out of her reverie when her door suddenly opened. "You're riding shotgun," Chuck answered her somewhat confused look as he helped her out of the car. He held the passenger door open for her. They stood awkwardly for a moment. They had to sell the cover. She couldn't just get in the car and wave. They're supposed to be closer than that. She couldn't kiss him. They were not supposed to be that close. They weren't. Chuck saved the situation by pulling her in for a quick hug. Sarah cursed again. She was supposed to be over this. Over him. He wasn't supposed to make her feel this way. He left her. He broke her heart. Her anger dissipated when she saw the video from the vault, but she had no idea how to deal with this situation. She should talk to him, but she was never good at expressing her feelings. What if he did it again? Her dad left. So did her mom. Bryce. Everyone she ever cared about left her. She couldn't go through that again. Good thing she had her job to focus on. Right, the job. Focus, agent Walker. She needed to save her partner.

"See you tomorrow? How about lunch?" Sarah knew it wasn't a real invitation. He was selling the cover.

"Sure," she answered as sweetly as she could and got in the car. Let the awkwardness continue.

_[A/N Section break]_

"You didn't need to walk me to my door, Chuck," Ellie giggled. "We are practically neighbours."

Chuck gave her his trademark grin. "What can I say? My sister raised me to be a gentleman." Ellie punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"Well, you turned out great," she teased back. Then she turned serious. "She's not over you, you know."

"El, don't." He was not in the mood to come up with a why-Sarah-and-I-are-not-together-anymore-lie right now. He had to get to Castle and come up with a plan to save Casey.

"Look, Chuck, I didn't interfere with you and Jill...much, but Sarah...Sarah is special. She's the one. I know it and you it. You have to fight for her. You have to do whatever it takes. You're a Bartowski. Start acting like one." Ellie slammed the door behind her before Chuck could respond. Then it was quickly opened again. "Good night, Chuck."

Chuck was speechless. It wasn't like Ellie to have mood swings. Maybe she was...? Nah. Was she? No time to ponder that point. Casey was in trouble. When this mission was over, he'd decide what to do about Sarah. Maybe Ellie was right. He could give it another shot, right? What's the worst that could happen? Sarah could shoot him down. Again. He's should be used to that by now. As long as she didn't actually shoot him, he'd be fine. Eventually. Focus, agent Carmichael. He needed to save his partner.

_[A/N Section break]_

"Do you mind taking me to the Orange Orange instead?" Sarah asked as Devon pulled out of the parking lot. She could contact Beckman and use the Crown Vic Casey left there when he took the surveillance van. She would just have to make sure she doesn't scratch it or something. Not that she was afraid of Casey, but rather safe than sorry.

"I knew it!" Devon exclaimed enthusiastically. "You do have a secret base!" What? Shit! That was probably the worst slip up in her career. She needed to get her head on straight. This thing with Chuck was really screwing with her. "It's top secret, okay, Devon. I shouldn't have told you that."

"Got it. So this whole spy thing...I guess it's not all it's cracked up to be."

"What do you mean?" Devon thought it was awesome before.

"Living a double life must be hard. Not to mention having to pretend to be in love with someone for three years. That must be excruciating." Sarah let out a silent sigh. She and Chuck didn't actually have to pretend. The being in love part was easy. Not being able to do something about it was excruciating. Every time she had to tell Chuck that she didn't feel the same way or that it would be unprofessional to be together, it ripped her heart to pieces. Seeing the hurt in his eyes when all she wanted to do was kiss him senseless – that was beyond excruciating. And now that it was allowed, they somehow managed to screw it up completely.

"I always wondered how you two managed not to fall for each other, but I suppose it all makes sense really," Devon continued when Sarah said nothing.

Sarah shifted in her seat. "I'm not following." She didn't want to hear this, but she couldn't help being curious.

"Well," Devon stalled for a moment, "you aren't exactly Chuck's type." Sarah felt like she'd been punched in the gut. Devon didn't think Chuck could fall for her? She knew she did some really bad things in the past, but Devon didn't know that. And Chuck always said it didn't matter. "For one thing, I think he prefers brunettes." Devon stole a glance in Sarah's direction.

Sarah's eyes widened a little. Chuck dumped Lou after that kiss at the docks. And he detained Jill for trying to kill her. That must mean something, right?

"And it's not hard to figure out why you never fell for him. I mean, look at you. Why would you ever go for a nerd like him? Don't get me wrong, I love the guy like a little brother, but, spy stuff aside, he's a bit of a loser."

That definitely got Sarah's attention. "He's not! And if you ever say that again, I'll..." She stopped herself. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Here we are," Devon announced before Sarah could think of something to say to salvage the situation.

She turned in her seat to face him. "Look, Devon, it's been a long night and I'm worried about Casey. Right now I need to focus on getting him out of there. Let's just forget this conversation ever happened, okay? And for the record, Chuck and I are just friends."

"Yeah, okay. I'm sorry I screwed up the mission. That was not awesome." He looked really remorseful.

"It wasn't your fault. We can fix this. Thanks for the ride," Sarah replied quickly as she got out of the car.

Devon pulled away from the Orange Orange with a huge grin on his face. It's like he told Sarah's ex, if there was one thing he knew, it was the human heart. Sarah was totally in love with Chuck. Awesome!

_[A/N Section break]_

"So how did it go?" Ellie put her book down when Devon slipped in between the sheets.

"Totally awesome, babe. Mission Charah is in play." He leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"Mission Charah?" Ellie raised an eyebrow. He can be so dorky sometimes.

"Yeah, you know. Chuck. Sarah. Charah."

Ellie let out a laugh. "I got that part. But 'mission'? Seriously? Please tell me Chuck didn't coax you into playing Call of Duty with him?" One nerd she could handle, but that was her limit.

Shoot, not awesome. "No, no, I'm not into video games, babe...I...uhm...I watched Spies like us the other night..and...uhm..." Lying to Ellie was really hard. He had new respect for Chuck, in a weird way. Lucky for Devon he was saved by his cell phone.

_[A/N Section break]_

"I can't believe General Beckman wants us to do nothing! It's Casey..." Chuck was pacing.

"Just calm down, Chuck. We'll think of something." Sarah was in full agent mode now. After giving herself a few mental slaps.

"You mean defy orders?" This was not like Sarah. No, this was just like Sarah. She committed treason for him not too long ago. They should really talk once this was over.

Before Sarah could respond, Chuck's phone rang.

_[A/N Section break – this is where Devon told them about the plan and they went in, rescued Casey, took the bullet out, saved the premier...you get the picture.]_

Chuck closed the ambulance doors after the paramedics have loaded Casey. Good thing he was still unconscious. Who knows what he would do to Chuck once he found out he stole his blood to save the former stinking comi despot. Chuck shuddered at the thought. When the ambulance departed, Chuck made his way back to Sarah who was waiting at the gates of the embassy.

He took off his lab coat and held it out to her. Her eyebrows shot up. "The guards are ogling you," he whispered. Not to mention what the really short nurse's uniform was doing to his heart rate.

"Jealous?" Sarah didn't take the coat from him.

"Just protecting your modesty." Chuck hung the coat around her shoulders, keeping his arm there to prevent her from shrugging it off. She could be so damn stubborn sometimes. _Please don't break my arm._

"It's not your job to protect my anything." Sarah was adamant to keep her resolve. It was hard when he was standing this close. She'll just enjoy it for one more minute before she...

"Actually it is. I made a promise once." It was time to be a Bartowski. He motioned to the park across the street. "Let's take a walk."

They looked a bit ridiculous, Chuck in scrubs and Sarah now wearing the lab coat over her nurse's uniform. They walked in silence for a while. Chuck was the first to break the silence. "Look, Sarah, about Prague..."

"Chuck, stop. I know." They took a seat on a bench overlooking the lake.

"Oh. I just figured after you didn't say anything after my explanation at Carina's fake engagement party..."

"Actually I didn't hear it then. I was a little busy trying to save you from being poisoned and getting shot by Carl's thugs."

"Yeah, of course. I mean, we were on a mission and...how did you know then?"

"Carina gave me the surveillance footage from the vault. You blew her cover, by the way." If it wasn't for the fact that he talked Carl down and saved Carina's life, Sarah would be really ticked off about that.

Chuck winced. "I didn't realise. I guess Beckman was right, I'm not a real spy."

"If she really thought that, why would she tell you to protect me?" This didn't make any sense. It was her job to protect him. Why on earth would he be ordered to protect her? With the new intersect he could certainly defend himself, and he did save her and Casey from the ring, but his flashes were unreliable due to his emotional state.

"What?" Chuck was confused. "General Beckman never ordered me to protect you."

"You said earlier that you made a promise to protect me. If not Beckman...?"

"Oh, that. Uhm...no, it wasn't Beckman. She would never...I promised your dad. I told him I would do my best to take care of you." Chuck shifted nervously. He wasn't sure how she would react to that bit of information.

Sarah was surprised. "My dad? When?"

"I ran into him right before the cops showed up at your hotel."

Sarah sighed, remembering the conversation in her hotel room before she sent him out for 'some rocky road'. "He was convinced you loved me. That's why he put the money into your account."

"I figured as much. Your father is a very smart man." Chuck turned to face Sarah.

"What are you saying Chuck?" Sarah held her breath, not breaking eye contact. She was sure he could hear the heart racing. Maybe they had a shot at making this work after all. She'd forgiven him for Prague. How could she not? He'd forgiven her more times than she could count. She just wished she told him sooner, but she was terrified. It was a risk, trusting him with her heart. But if she was going to be miserable without him anyway, what did she have to lose by giving this a chance?

"What I've always wanted to say, Sarah." Chuck cupped the side of her face, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Before their lips touched, Sarah backed away. It took a great deal of effort.

"Then say it." He told her in the vault, but he was drugged at the time. She needed to be sure.

Chuck locked eyes with her. "I love you, Sarah." Sarah felt herself tearing up. She tried to close the gap between their lips, but his hand on her cheek held her back.

"Your turn," he whispered.

"Chuck, I..." Sarah hesitated. Not because she didn't feel it. She loved him for about three years now, but she never said it out loud. She has never said those three words to anyone before.

"It's safe. I promise." Chuck's gaze never wavered.

Sarah took a deep breath. "I love you too, Chuck." It was barely a whisper, but judging by the smile on his face, he heard her. Her hand moved to the back of his neck, pulling him closer. They finally got their chance.

_A/N I know, this one is fluffy, but it is 3 am... I did my best to ensure spelling, grammar, etc is on par, but if any of you want to beta for me, give me a shout. The next update might take a few days, I should really get some studying done._


	3. Chapter 3

**Episode 3x04**

_A/N Thank you so much for all your input. I know this chapter is a bit later than promised, but I actually fell asleep in front of the PC last night (good thing I worked in bed). This chapter was difficult to write, seeing as were the show is right now. I decided to go a little AU and reveal something about Sarah's past. Warning: No major humour or fluff ahead. But if you manage to suffer through this one, I'll try to make the next one a little lighter. I don't own Chuck._

"I suppose congratulations are in order, Chuck. Devon's identity has been contained."

"We got lucky this time, Shaw." Casey was disgusted. He didn't trust his superiors anymore. They were all the same. His former sensei betrayed his country. Beckman once ordered him to kill Chuck. And their new 'boss' almost got the intersect killed. _I _g_uess the team has a new head moron. What was Beckman thinking? _ The only people he could count on were his partners, even if their lady feelings were driving him up the wall. At this point it was actually frustrating him. _Why couldn't they see how lucky they were? He had no idea where Ilsa was or whether she was still alive. And he would always wonder about Kathleen. Did she manage to get over his 'death' and move on? Was she happy? These two idiots were right here, together, and they wasted precious time sulking about God knows what. Someone needs to smack some sense into them. _Casey got up and left in the middle of the briefing. He needed to shoot something.

"Yeah, and risked my family doing it." Sarah stole a glance in Chuck's direction. "There's something you need to know about me, Shaw," Chuck caught Sarah's eyes briefly, "there's nothing in my life that I care about more than my friends and my family. Of course I don't expect you to understand that. Being the spy that you are, I'm sure that you don't care about anybody."

Sarah cringed, but she managed to maintain her composure. Three years ago that was true about her. Of course she cared about her dad, but he was off doing his own thing. Given their chosen professions, they barely made contact. Sarah knew what this mission did to Chuck. That was why she held him so tightly two nights ago after telling him about Devon's disappearance. For the first time in years she felt the need to comfort someone and to her surprise, she was comforted in return. Devon and Ellie meant a lot to her too. Ellie reminded her so much of Allison it was sometimes hard to be in the same room with her. Other times she let the hello hug linger just a fraction longer than necessary. Ally was the reason Sarah didn't allow herself to care about anyone. But the Bartowskis managed to tear down every wall she so carefully constructed since the day she received that little red box. Sarah vowed to herself to do anything in her power to protect them and to keep them together for as long as she could. She owed it to Chuck. And to her sister.

"Families and friends make us vulnerable. Make us unable to pull the trigger. And that puts everyone in even greater danger. Just ask your partner here." Sarah swallowed hard. "She'll tell you the same thing."

Sarah lifted her chin defiantly. "Sometimes it helps to know you've got something to lose."

Shaw was not amused. This went against everything they were taught. Sarah Walker was not the spy he was made to believe. He decided to drop the issue for now and left. He already had a strategy in place to deal with her.

Chuck was still staring at Sarah. He was not expecting her to back him like this. It went against everything she ever told him. Granted, her actions showed that she wasn't the robot he once accused her of being. She was willing to shoot a fellow agent to keep him out of a bunker. She actually committed treason for that same reason. But she never verbally stood up to authority like this.

Sarah caught his eyes again, not saying anything. She didn't have to. She knew he could read her better than anyone she's ever met. _I have your back, Chuck. No matter what. _Chuck nodded a silent 'thank you'. He saw something else there too, but before he had time to decipher it, Sarah got up and left.

_[A/N Section break]_

Sarah took a deep breath before lifting her hand to knock. As much as she hated to admit it, she was in need of a Bartowski hug. More specifically, a Chuck Bartowski hug. But that was not likely to happen.

This mission had really taken an emotional toll on Sarah. She was still pissed that Beckman locked them in the van and told them to stand down. To top it off, the new 'boss' pulled his guns on her and Casey when Chuck needed their back up. Beckman and Shaw set him up. He could have been killed. By the time she got to the cage, she was so angry she lost her focus. And got her ass handed to her on a platter. But the anger was quickly replaced by fear when she saw Chuck going after Sydney. The fact that he had a gun was no conciliation. He knew how to use it, but she knew him. He wouldn't shoot. She got to him just in time to see the ring agent double over, right before she could throw her knife at Chuck. Casey was right. They got lucky this time. But spies couldn't afford to rely on luck.

Sarah heard Casey's footsteps behind her as Ellie opened the door. Ellie's hands on her shoulders pulled her in for a quick peck on the cheek. No hug. Not surprising, as she was now Chuck's 'ex-girlfriend', she was probably no longer considered family. The thought stung. She quickly turned her back on the room to compose herself. Family and friends did make you vulnerable, but she stood by what she said. It was a great motivator for keeping them safe.

Chuck watched Sarah approach. She looked...lost. He wished he could pull her in for a hug, make her feel better somehow. He settled for the second best thing and gave her a smile. "It wouldn't have been the same without you, so I'm glad you made it."

"Me too," she replied with a silent sigh. They stared at each other briefly before Sarah walked past him to join the rest of the guests.

Chuck turned around, taking in the people that meant most to him in this world. He would gladly give his life to protect them. His sister, brother-in-law. Best friend. His partners. Though Casey would never admit it out loud, they had formed a friendship. And then there was Sarah.

Sensing his eyes on her, Sarah looked up. She knew what he was thinking. Giving him a small smile she averted her gaze. Things were different now. And she hated it.

_[A/N Section break]_

Sarah was pushing the food around on her plate. Morgan's teriyaki surprise was surprisingly...awful. She drank more wine to get the taste out of her mouth. That was a bad idea. Alcohol and empty stomachs rarely mixed well. She wasn't drunk, but she was definitely feeling a little light-headed. Around her the conversation flowed easily. No one noticed that she wasn't really taking part.

The evening came to an end and everyone was outside in the courtyard saying their goodbyes. Casey and the Woodcombs headed for their respective apartments. Morgan mumbled something about doing dishes and disappeared into the apartment he shared with Chuck.

There was a moment of awkward silence. "Well, good night, Chuck." Sarah forced a small smile before turning around. She stumbled a little. Cursing herself she hoped he didn't notice. But he was Chuck, of course he noticed. He immediately placed a steadying hand on her elbow.

"Maybe you shouldn't drive." It wasn't really a suggestion.

"I'll be fine. I promise to drive really slowly," she tried, but Chuck didn't buy it.

"You have many talents, Sarah Walker, but driving slowly is definitely not one of them. I'll take you home." Chuck was not taking no for an answer and Sarah had to think fast.

"I need to open the Orange Orange early tomorrow. There won't be time to come back for my car." It was a lame excuse.

"Then stay. One of your outfits is still here from the last time you...uhm...spend the night."

Sarah sighed. "You know I can't do that. What about Morgan? We need to maintain our cover as friends."

"Friends have sleepovers," Chuck shrugged.

"Maybe, but 'exes' don't. It's too weird."

"For normal couples." He just had to bring that up, didn't he? "Wait here." He quickly spun around before she could respond. "Don't move," he mouthed as he closed the door behind him. What was he up to?

"Good night, buddy," she heard Chuck's muffled voice from inside the apartment before he switched on his bedroom light. A few minutes later it went off again. A moment passed before the Morgan door opened. Chuck motioned for her to come closer. He helped her into the dark room and locked the window behind her.

"Don't worry about the bugs," he whispered, "got them on a loop. Courtesy of my dad's last birthday gift." He led her to sit down on the edge of the bed. "Unfortunately I can't turn the light on, it will tip off Casey. Just stay there." Sarah heard Chuck move around. She held her breath, waiting for him to do be Chuck and crash into something. To her surprise everything remained quiet. She heard Morgan's bedroom door close. She was trying to figure out how she got herself into this situation.

"What about Ellie? I don't want her to get the wrong idea. Maybe I should just go." She felt Chuck stuff something soft into her hands.

"We'll get you out of here before anyone wakes up. Put that on and let's get some sleep, okay. It's been a long day." Sarah jumped slightly when she heard a noise from the other side of the apartment. "Relax. I should have warned you, Morgan snores."

Sarah changed quickly into the t-shirt and boxers while Chuck's back was turned. She couldn't help but smile. He insisted, even if it was dark. Quietly she slipped into bed, careful to avoid touching Chuck. She fought hard to keep her emotions in check tonight and knowing he was this close was nearly her undoing.

They were both lying on their backs staring at the ceiling.

"Thanks for backing me up earlier," Chuck spoke quietly.

"You don't have to thank me. I meant what I said." It was quiet for a while. "I had a sister too." Sarah didn't know where that came from. She never told anyone that, but she knew she could trust Chuck. She needed to tell someone and she wanted him to know. She was tired of fighting this.

Chuck was surprised. It was the first time Sarah volunteered anything from her past. He wanted to respond, but he knew how hard it was for her to open up, so he didn't interrupt.

"Her name was Allison." Chuck noticed that she spoke in the past tense and he knew what that meant. He found Sarah's hand in the dark and gave it comforting squeeze.

"We were your average American family until dad was laid off from his job. I was ten and Ally fourteen. Instead of looking for another job, he decided to get even with the fat cats who trampled the little people, as he called it. That was when he became a conman. It was the final straw for mom. She divorced him." Sarah took a deep breath before the continued. "Two years later my mother was killed in a head-on collision. Dad was on the run from the authorities, so we went into the system. They placed me with a foster family and Ally went to a group home."

Chuck's heart broke for her. It was hard when his parents left, but he and Ellie always had each other. He couldn't imagine how his life would have turned out if it wasn't for Ellie. He turned on his side, shifting closer to Sarah and stroking her arm reassuringly. "What happened then?" he whispered, urging her to continue.

Sarah was still staring at the ceiling in the darkness. "Ally ran away from the home a month later. She came for me and before I knew what was happening, we were on a train heading west. Dad was waiting for us at the station. I never figured out how he knew what happened, but it didn't really matter. I thought everything was going to be okay. Until he handed Ally a fake ID and a box of cash."

"She left?"

"Dad sent her away. She would turn eighteen in two years and he wanted her to have a shot at a normal life. If she became a fugitive, she would be on the run forever. He made arrangements for her to finish school under her assumed name. It took a lot of convincing, but eventually she gave in and got back on the train."

Sarah couldn't believe she was actually talking about this. It wasn't as hard as she thought it would be. She had a feeling it had a lot to do with the gentle fingers softly stroking her skin. She captured his hand in hers and turned towards him.

"We had a rendezvous point. Once a year we met to make sure everyone was still safe. Dad went out of his way to make sure we always made it. Ally finished high school and got accepted to Yale. In her sophomore year, she didn't show up." Sarah swallowed the lump in her throat. "We did a little digging and found out she dropped out of college and took a job at a travel magazine. She was off to some island on the other side of the globe."

"Without saying goodbye?" Chuck's breath brushed against Sarah's cheek, causing her to shiver. He sensed it and pulled her against him. She didn't resist.

"Yeah. We went back the next year, but still no Ally. Shortly after that my dad was incarcerated and I was recruited by the CIA."

Chuck frowned. He did the math again. "You joined the CIA when you were only seventeen?" He couldn't believe it. He'd seen the depths the government would stoop to for the greater good, but this was too much.

"It wasn't as bad as it sounds. I could have been arrested too. In many ways, the CIA saved me." Chuck wasn't entirely convinced. "It's okay, really." He realised it was her way of telling him to drop the subject. He would for now, but they will definitely be discussing this later. He focused again on the topic at hand.

"What about Ally? Did you ever see her again?" Chuck turned on his back, taking Sarah with him.

Sarah swallowed again. This was the hard part. She nestled closer to Chuck, seeking out his warmth. His hand was drawing aimless circles against her back. "Three years after I signed up I was send to Denmark on a mission. On the way to my hotel I spotted her across the street, but when I managed to weave my way through traffic, she was gone. I spent hours searching the area, but she just vanished. I was planning to ask Graham for some time off after the mission to try and track her down, but when I got to the hotel, there was an agent waiting with orders to extract me immediately." Chuck felt her tears soaking through his shirt. "Back at Langley I learned that the mission was a set-up. We lost all the agents assigned to the mission. Seven, if you count the double. He led them into a trap." Sarah took a shuddering breath. She remained quiet for a long time.

"Ally was one of those agents. That's why she left Yale and disappeared. And she requested your extraction from Denmark and ended up saving your life," Chuck concluded. Sarah simply nodded against his chest. It was difficult to relive those memories, but it was a relief to no longer carry that secret.

"Director Graham told me when he handed me her spy will. And then he gave me the same speech Shaw gave earlier."

Chuck cursed silently. When was the government going to stop hurting the people he loved? If he was able to locate Graham's ass, he'd gladly put a converse up it. Instead he pulled Sarah closer and kissed her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Sarah." It was the same words Graham said to her, but coming from Chuck, Sarah knew that it actually meant something. It was in his voice and the way he held her. "I assume your dad doesn't know?"

"I can't tell him without blowing my cover. He thinks Ally's off somewhere writing about beaches and hiking trails. It's better this way."

"Probably, but I'm glad you told me. It must have been hard to keep all that to yourself. You know you can always talk to me, right? It doesn't matter what's going on between us, you can trust me."

"I do," she answered softly. Listening to the soothing sound of Chuck's heartbeat, Sarah closed her eyes. "Thanks, Chuck." He was right that first night they met. He could be her very own baggage handler.

_A/N I tried my best to plug all the holes in Sarah's back story. Please let me know if I missed something. I know in the flashbacks she was probably younger than twelve when she was running scams with her dad, but in season 1 she mentioned getting sunburnt on a family holiday when she was nine. As I chose to believe that that was not a cover lie, so this was the timeline that fit._

_It was also not all that original to turn Ally into a spy, but face it, nine out of ten people in this show turn out to be spies of some kind. I won't be surprised if it turns out that Beckman is Chuck's grandmother or something..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Episode 3x05 **

_A/N Thank you Morgan for making this episode bearable. Again, Charah moments were few and far between. I found exactly one. Be warned, this chapter is all fluff. _

_I don't own Chuck. And Shaw is still an ass. (Pardon my French, my mom smoked when she was pregnant).  
_

"I think we can all agree that this team has been dysfunctional the last two years and I think I know what the problem is." Chuck's heart sank. Just great, Shaw is going to kick the Bartowski off team Bartowski.

"The problem is them." Shaw pointed to Sarah and Casey.

"What? What does that mean?" Sarah couldn't believe it. They were a great team before this...this...he joined.

"It means he's a moron." Casey never had much respect for the CIA. He always thought they recruited based on looks and ego rather than skill. The only decent one amongst them was Walker. Pity the NSA didn't get to her first.

Shaw ignored Casey's comment. "Chuck, they coddle you. You can be a great spy, but they won't let you evolve."

"Really?" It was Chuck's turn to be surprised. He was going to be a spy. This was awesome. "I mean, yes, yes, really. He's right. Let me be a spy. Let me out of the car. I'm ready."

"No, Shaw, he's not." Sarah couldn't believe Shaw could even consider this. If he puts Chuck in the field, she can't always be there to protect him. He hasn't even completed his training yet. What if something happened and he didn't flash?

"Duly noted. And ignored." Sarah was starring daggers at Shaw. "Chuck, you're going on your first solo mission. Undercover. In Paris. Are you ready?"

Casey shook his head. _You're not ready, numbnuts_. Sarah was too shocked to respond.

"Absolutely." Chuck smiled. His first solo mish. And it was in Paris. Being a spy was...awesome! Even if he was starting to sound like Devon.

_[Section break]_

Sarah and Casey were briefing Chuck on the mission, making sure he packed everything he would need. Everything except a gun. Chuck was taking nun chucks instead. Sarah was fuming. When was he going to realise that this was not a game? It's dangerous. Very. And she won't be there to protect him.

"Casey, can I have a second?" _I have to talk him out of this. He can't go._

"Hm? Yeah," Casey grunted with an eye roll before walking off.

Sarah leaned forward on the desk, making sure she had Chuck's attention. "Listen, I know you want this to work and you want to impress Shaw, but this is crazy." _Trust me._

"Okay, fine, the nun chucks are a little crazy. You weren't supposed to see those. But Shaw, an honest to god, real life, special agent for the CIA, thinks that I'm ready. He thinks that I can do it and I want to prove to him that he is not wrong about me." _I want to prove it to you too, Sarah. You said I could do anything...have anything I wanted. It's time. I'm ready._

"I'm not saying that you can't do this, but...please...please just don't go now, okay? You need more time." _I need more time. I'm not ready to let you do this. I could lose you forever. I'm not ready._

"He's going. Beckman agrees with me," Shaw interrupted. "We've set up a sub-network on your phone. You'll be able to text and call in the plane. Your ticket," Shaw hands it to him, "and your car is waiting outside. You will receive further instructions in Paris."

Chuck was very excited. This was really happening. "Oh, daddy! First class. That is..." _not very spy-like, agent Carmichael_, "...probably what you do for everybody," Chuck regained some sort of composure. He cleared his throat. "Okay, well, see you later."

Shaw was very pleased with himself.

Casey was worried.

"I hope." Chuck's parting comment only made matters worse for Sarah.

She had never been so scared in her life.

_[Section break]_

Sarah pulled the Porsche into her usual spot in front of the Orange Orange. She slammed a fist into the steering wheel. She was still livid. Shaw lied to them about Chuck's mission. If she had known it was on the plane, she would have tranqed Chuck to prevent him from going. Right after she shot Shaw. With a real gun. He refused to let her answer her phone when Chuck was in danger. When he needed her. In the past day Chuck was nearly taken by the Ring, actually poisoned, shot at in the cargo hold and had to go up against one of the most dangerous ring agents in closed quarter combat. Shaw put his life in danger. And he practically accused her of being a double agent.

Sarah took a deep breath to calm the rapid beating of her heart. Chuck was fine. He'll be home soon. She was determined to never let him out of her sight again. There were too many close calls in the past twenty four hours. It made her realise that it was time they set a few things straight. She was Chuck's partner. No more solo missions for him. And seeing as he is now considered a 'real spy', they will be taking their relationship to the next level. The CIA and 'special agent' Shaw be damned.

"Hey, Casey," Sarah greeted taking the stairs down into Castle. Casey just grunted. He was still pretty furious at Shaw himself. At least she could count on his back up. The NSA recruited a decent one every once in a while. "Where's Shaw?"

Casey didn't look up from cleaning his gun. "He's in the back. Ironing his cape." Sarah suppressed a giggle. She didn't want to attract Shaw's attention in any way. Knowing Casey was in her corner and that she would see Chuck soon allowed her anger to take a back seat for now.

Moving closer to Casey, she whispered. "Will you cover for me? And cancel the car you send for Chuck? I want to go fetch him." Casey grunted again. It actually sounded like an approval grunt.

"Finally going to put the nerd out of his misery, huh?" Sarah gave Casey the biggest smile she was capable of. "Just keep it out of his place," he grunted in feigned disgust, "that is not the type of surveillance I signed up for." If anyone would ever asked John Casey, he would never admit it, but he was relieved that something good came out of this. He remembered what it was like to be in love. And to give it up. These kids deserved a break.

Sarah suppressed the urge to give Casey a hug. She needed her limbs intact. "Thanks, Casey." She barely made it up the first steps when Shaw interrupts.

"Going somewhere, agent Walker?" Sarah hesitated a moment, but she didn't turn around.

"It's personal," she answered coldly taking another step.

"Can't it wait until you're off agency time?" Shaw was sounding very condescending. As always. It irked Sarah.

"We're agents, Shaw, we're never off the clock."

"Glad you realise that. There is a lot of paper work to be done. Whatever you need to do can wait." It's time this team learnt who the agent in charge was.

Sarah took a deep breath, forcing herself to stay calm. "I'll finish up the reports when I get back."

"I didn't ask, Sarah." She decided to ignore him and headed for the door. Shaw pulled his gun on her. Casey was quicker, aiming his at Shaw.

"Do we have to go through this shit every time?" Casey asked, cocking his weapon. Shaw had no choice but to surrender.

_[Section break]_

Sarah was tapping her foot impatiently. Why did it always take this long for passengers to come through the terminal? She travelled more than her fair share, so she was aware of the whole procedure with baggage claim and going through customs. CIA agents had to fall in line just like the rest of the civilians if there wasn't a pressing national emergency. She looked around. _Maybe I can set a fire or something. _She knew she was being ridiculous. Chuck will be out soon, but she has waited three years for this moment. She was tired of waiting.

Chuck was dragging his feet. He couldn't believe it. He was literally in Paris and he didn't even get to see the Eifel Tower. _This sucks. Would it have killed the government to let me spend at least one night? _He was a little curious about Hannah too. See seemed like a nice girl. She wasn't Sarah, but then again, no one was or will ever be. He had to face it sometime. It was time to move on. He wasted five years pining after Jill and look how that turned out. He's not going to make the same mistake again. No matter how much he still loved Sarah Walker.

Chuck passed through the terminal, looking for his driver. Out of his peripheral vision he noticed something barrelling towards him, but before he had time to respond, he was practically tackled. Grabbing onto whatever...whoever it was, he managed to maintain his balance. Proud of the fact that he didn't tumble over, he looked down. It couldn't be. "Sarah?"

Sarah unwrapped herself from Chuck's body. She looked a little embarrassed and a faint blush tainted her cheeks. "Sorry. I don't usually act on impulse like that." She looked up at Chuck. "Uhm...hi, Chuck." It was the cutest thing Chucks had ever seen. He always thought she was a beautiful, smart, badass ninja girl. And she could be funny, even if she didn't think so. She was everything he ever wanted in a woman. But he had never seen her cute side. It made his heart beat a little faster.

"What are you doing here?" He was surprised. They haven't exactly parted on the best terms.

"I...uhm...just wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you okay?" She gave him a once over to make sure he still had all his body parts. When she lifted her hand to check his forehead, _because you can't be too careful, _Chuck caught it. She immediately entwined her fingers with his.

"I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. No." Sarah answered breathily. This was hard. She never openly discussed her feelings with anyone. She was nervous as hell.

Chuck frowned a little. "So which is it?" _Was she sick or something? _He lifted their joined hands and checked her forehead with the back of his hand.

Sarah became aware of the strange looks they were getting and quickly lowered their hands. "Let's get out of here." She wasn't chickening out, but maybe an airport was not the best place to tell him. She wanted to tell him, she just needed to figure out how. She dragged Chuck behind her towards the exit.

"What? No welcome home kiss?" Chuck quipped. He was finding it difficult to read Sarah, but humour usually snapped her out of her weird moods. Right now, she was acting very strange.

Sarah stopped so suddenly, Chuck nearly crashed into her. He just gave her the opening she needed. She spun around and cupped his cheek in her free hand. "Sar...?" She reached up and crashed her mouth to his, cutting off what he was going to say. It took Chuck all but two seconds to get over the initial shock. He let go off the suitcase he was wheeling behind him and pulled Sarah closer, kissing her back as much eagerness as she was showing. They ignored the whistles and snide 'get a room' remarks from by passers. Nothing else existed but giving into three year's worth of pent up tension. They have kissed before, but usually in the company of a ticking time bomb or a seduction school instructor. Except for Barstow.

Chuck reluctantly ended the kiss. His need for air won out. "Wow. I should go away more often."

Sarah didn't respond immediately. She was still struggling to breathe normally. Chuck misinterpreted her silence. "Look, Sarah...please just don't say it."

Sarah frowned. _Don't say it? I thought he'd be happy when I finally admitted that I..._

"If it was a mistake...or...or an impulse thing...let's just turn around...and...and walk out of here and forget it ever happened...I just don't want to hear..." _He thought I was going to let him down again. Not that I blame him._

"I love you, Chuck," Sarah tried to interrupt his babbling.

"...and Beckman won't find out...and if Shaw asks...wha...wait...what?" He must have heard wrong. He was sure of it. Maybe that gunshot in the cargo hold caused some permanent damage to his hearing. "Did you just say...?" Sarah placed a finger over his lips to silence him. He took the hint.

"I love you, Chuck." Sarah's gaze didn't waver. He needed to know that she meant it, with all her heart. Chuck was speechless. "Aren't you going to say something?" Chuck nodded eagerly, pointing to her finger over his lips. Laughing softly, she removed it.

He gave her one of his famous Bartowski smiles. The one that usually made her a little weak in the knees. Right now her knees were still recovering from the kiss.

"I love you too, Sarah. So much. Always have." And then he kissed her, smiling against her lips when she immediately returns it. _Who needs Paris?_

"Let's get out of here," she whispered when they came up for air.

"Yeah. We'll drop the key at Castle and..."

"FedEx it."

Chuck looked surprised. "We can't just..." he started to protest.

"Why not? They did a great job with Peyman's diamond. The CIA was very satisfied with their service." Sarah leaned closer, whispering seductively in his ear. "And that we way, we could go back to my place and take care of some unfinished business from Barstow."

Chuck swallowed a little nervously. "FedEx it is."

_A/N Thank you for reading. Reviews are a better reward than a pay cheque. If only my landlord felt the same way... _

_I don't own FedEx, nor did they ask me for a product placement or paid me in any way for advertising. And all other disclaimers apply._

_Good news, no Superman in the next episode! Yeah, there's his teenage girlfriend, don't shoot me, but I actually liked Hannah. She and Morgan would make a cute couple, I think deep down he really appreciates opera, deep, deep, deep down. I was planning on writing an alternate ending for this, involving Chuck going off grid and staying in Paris with Hannah and Sarah going to Paris to find him and tell him about her red test (as it was in Paris) and they do their Charah thing, but then I thought, nah...there was enough angst in the last chapter. This was more fun to write anyway._


	5. Chapter 5

**Episode 3x06 **

_A/N Wow, thank you so much for all the reviews on the previous chapter. I understand your frustration with the show at this point. The sad reality is that the minute the two leads get together, the show jumps the shark and people stop watching. Quite a catch 22, give people want they want and they don't come back again. But these guys were just plain cruel. I'm actually on the fence about season 4. Do you think they'll let Chuck and Sarah stay happily together? And if so, will you still watch? _

_Be that as it may, let's continue jumping the shark here. This chapter was really hard to write. There is some angst, couldn't be helped. The next three episodes sucked. But believe it or not, I'm actually working on a humorous piece for "the mask". Still deciding if it's going to work. _

_I don't own Chuck. Or Batman. Or Vicky Vale. And I don't know how to spell Manush._

Chuck looked away in disgust. _She just had to kiss him, didn't she?_ He didn't know who he should feel sorrier for. Himself or Manush. _Don't fall for her, kid. It's just her job. And she's a pro. _

[Three years ago]

Chuck didn't fall for Sarah the day she walked into the Buymore. She was just another pretty girl with a broken phone. He was nice to her. He's a nice guy. Yes, she left her card, but he didn't call. Chuck was never one to delude himself. He couldn't believe it when she came back the next day. To ask him out. He should have known something was off. After all, she was Vicky Vale and he was no Batman.

But somewhere between offering to be her very own baggage handler and trying (and failing miserably) to keep up while she was dancing circles around him at the club, Chuck Bartowski fell for Sarah Walker.

Sarah should have known she was in trouble when she stood in the Buymore watching Chuck help a little ballerina recreate her recital so they could film it for her mother, a genuine smile on her face for the first time in years. She should have seen it when she told Chuck she liked him. And meant it. She should have realised it when she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the club, away from Casey and his reputation as a cold blooded killer. Technically her mission was over. She destroyed the computer containing the intersect and was certain that there was no backup or external drive. He was of no use to the CIA anymore. What happened to Chuck Bartowski was no longer her concern. Yet her first impulse was to protect him and she couldn't swear that it was her spy instinct that kicked in.

[Present day]

"Chuck, you have to help me. I thought you were my friend!"

"I'm not. I'm a spy."

Sarah didn't stop her tears. She couldn't see his face, but the emotionless tone of his voice sent cold shivers down her spine. She knew what it was doing to Chuck to burn his asset, but for that brief moment he was able to turn off his emotions. Like a robot. Like a spy. She felt a twist in her chest. She hated that he was able to do that.

_[Section break]_

Sarah was watching Chuck on the surveillance monitor as he downed his first scotch.

"Boy's growing up, huh?" Casey zipped up his bag, ready to head home. "When you first met him, did you ever think he'd be able to burn an asset?"

Sarah took a deep breath, quickly swallowing the lump in her throat. "No."

"Yeah, he's turning into a spy. That's a good thing." Casey knew it would take more than that statement to convince Sarah. He turned to leave.

"Is it?" He pretended not to hear. Sarah would have wanted it that way. He didn't have to be in touch with his lady feelings to realise what was going on. They were both trying really hard to act like spies. Chuck was fast becoming one. Today was further proof of that. Walker was still one of the best spies he ever worked with, but underneath all that, she was starting to find her real self again. Was that a good thing? Humming 'Love on the rocks' to himself, he closed the door of the Orange Orange.

_[Section break]_

Sarah lifted her hand to knock, but hesitated. She grabbed the door handle instead. It was locked. She sighed. Chuck wanted to be alone. Who was she kidding? Chuck was basically alone for the past couple of months. Casey was the only one who supported him in his quest to become a spy. And John Casey was not really the most supportive person she'd ever met. General Beckman was sceptical, given how things turned out in Prague. Shaw was pushing him too fast too soon. All he was interested in was getting the intersect to function as effectively as possible. He didn't care about Chuck. It was time that she stepped up to the plate. She couldn't prevent Chuck from becoming a spy, but she could try to make sure he didn't lose everything that made him great. She pulled out her lock pick kit.

If Chuck was surprised by her presence, he didn't show it. "Care to join me?" he simply asked, tilting his glass in her direction.

"Sure." Sarah couldn't think of anything else to say, so she made her way to kitchen to fetch another glass. She paused in the doorway, studying Chuck. He was changing and she had trouble keeping up. She wasn't ready for this. He depended on her less with each passing day. She offered to burn Manush and he turned her down. Yesterday he saved her life again. The tally was even now. She'd been keeping score. How long before he didn't need her at all?

Sarah sat down next to him and he immediately filled her glass. She took a careful sip.

"It feels like I should make a toast or something," Chuck broke the silence after a while. Sarah just shook her head slightly. "Yeah, probably not."

He refilled his own glass. "So how long do you think before I get a mark to seduce into telling me what her mother's communist affiliation is?" There was no humour in his voice. Sarah turned her eyes to the table. She didn't want to think about everything that still lay ahead before he officially earned his badge. Apart from his red test, she didn't want to think about infiltration and inducement of enemy personnel.

"Chuck..." She didn't know what to say. Saving his life was easy, but how was she supposed to save him from himself?

"You know, I've been thinking..." Chuck said after another moment of silence.

"What?" she asked when he didn't continue.

"Never mind." Great, now he's turning into her. Keeping his feelings to himself.

"Talk to me, Chuck."

He was quiet for a moment. "I've been thinking about...uhm...Lon Kirk...and Cole and...uhm...Manush."

Sarah cringed a little. Those three names in one sentence could only mean one thing. "What about them?" She was stalling. She took another sip of her drink.

"You used seduction to get...uhm...why didn't you try that on me? I mean, three years ago you needed intel from me and you...forget it, it's stupid."

"I couldn't." The words were out before she could stop them.

"I get it," he said simply. His stoic mask was gone and Sarah could see that he came to the wrong conclusion. In the past she would simply leave it at that. It made the situation less complicated. But no less bearable. For either of them.

"No, Chuck, I don't think you do."

"Then explain it to me, Sarah."

"I..." She was never good at discussing her feelings. Sarah turned her eyes to the table again.

"Damn it!" Chuck slammed his glass down on the table. Sarah jumped at his sudden outburst. "Every time we get remotely close...you do this. You shut me out. I can't do this anymore, Sarah. You need to end it. Tonight." Chuck got up from the table and took a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm going to take a shower. That should give you enough time to decide. Just know, if you walk out that door, that's it. There's no turning back."

In the hallway Chuck turned around and looked at her for a moment. She was sitting with her back to him. "There's something else you should know. I love you. I didn't want to tell you this way...I just wanted you to know." He closed the bathroom door behind him.

Sarah was too stunned to move. The last thing she expected was an ultimatum. As much as she hated to admit it, Chuck was right. They couldn't carry on like this. He made his choice. He admitted that he loved her. A few months ago he told her for the first time and she panicked. She asked for a reassignment (another impulsive decision) and Chuck heard. He didn't bring it up again until tonight.

Now it was up to her. She took a shaky breath and got up from the table. She took the glasses to the kitchen, rinsed them out and placed them in the dishwasher. She knew she was stalling, but she made her choice. She had to follow through. There was no turning back.

Chuck forced himself to stay in the shower a little longer than necessary. All he wanted to do was go back out there and ask Sarah to stay. But he finally got the courage to tell her how he really felt and was determined to see this through. Just seeing her every day at work wasn't enough anymore. He wanted more. Whispering a silent prayer, he shut off the water. After pulling on his sweat pants, he took long strides to the living room. His heart sank. Sarah was gone.

Dejected he locked the front door and switched off the lights before heading to his bedroom. It was a long day and it was going to be an even longer. He was in for a long night of Call of Duty. He preferred Guitar Hero when he was depressed, but he doubted that the neighbours would appreciate it. Stepping into his bedroom, Chuck did a double take.

Pulling the covers down slightly, revealing one of his t-shirts, Sarah added softly "For the record, I'm not trying to seduce you."

Chuck exhaled slowly. It felt like his heart was going to burst. Pulling the covers back, he slipped into bed. He propped himself up on one elbow, facing her. Sarah did the same.

"I never thought you were. You and me...this...this is real, Sarah."

Sarah was sure Chuck could hear her heart racing. She was scared. She sucked at relationships. If she screwed this up, she would lose everything. She couldn't go back to how it was before. Before Chuck. She knew what she had to do. She swallowed.

"It would have been real three years ago, Chuck. That's why I couldn't do it."

"I understand." Chuck smiled as he ran his fingers softly up and down her arm, causing Sarah to shiver. "I'm glad you stayed."

Sarah returned his smile. "Me too."

Chuck turned serious for a moment. "Look, Sarah, I know you think I've changed since I started my training and you're right." Sarah's smile faltered. "I'm not the same guy I was three years ago. Back then I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I was stuck in a dead-end job and pining for a girl that was so not worth it. But now...now I know what I want to do with my life. I want to be a spy. And I want to be with you. Not necessarily in that order."

"I understand, really...it's just...I'm scared, Chuck. I am so scared I'm going to lose you to the spy life. I'm scared you are going to lose all the things that make you great. Most of all, I'm scared that you will feel like less of person. Less real."

"I won't, I promise. Besides," he smiled, "I have you to kick my butt into shape if I ever changed too much."

Sarah's smile returned. "Always."

Chuck's hand moved from her arm and he started drawing circles against her back. It's been so long since he touched her, he couldn't help himself. Sarah's hand snaked up his chest, loving the feel of his now taut muscles under her fingers. She loved the feel of Chuck under her fingers.

"And I'm going to kick your pretty butt if you shut me out again." He turned serious again. "I get that you always had to bury your emotions and it makes it easier to do this job, but you have to let someone in, Sarah. You can't keep everything in all the time. You will only end up hurting yourself. Trust me. Let me be there for you. I will never betray you, Sarah."

She cupped his cheek. "I know. I do trust you, Chuck. I promise I'll try."

"That's all I ask. And now that that's settled..." Chuck gently rolled Sarah over on her back, never breaking eye contact. "I love you, Sarah Walker," he whispered before bending down to give her a tender kiss. "This is how I wanted to tell you."

Sarah smiled. He would always be her Chuck and she'd do whatever it takes to make sure he stayed that way. Her hand moved to the back of his neck, her fingers tangling in his curls. With her other hand she wiped a stray curl from his forehead. "I love you, Chuck Bartowski."

_A/N I got to watch the pilot again – awesome! I had to go slightly AU on that episode and forego the first Charah moment for this to work, sorry guys. If the flash back confused you, remember that Sarah was not aware at the club that Chuck was the intersect, she only figured it out a little while later._

_Sorry for the late update, my Internet decided to only connect on every 77__th__ attempt and then kick me off after about 34 seconds. Grrrr._


	6. Chapter 6

**Episode 3x07**

_A/N Okay, I was wrong about the shark thing – thank heavens. Glad to see so many passionate fans out there. Just to clear things up, I will definitely watch season 4. And season 5. And 6... What I was wondering was what was going to happen in season 4 and what your opinion was. In Gilmore Girls Luke and Lorelai got together in season 4, only to be broken up later. I was just wondering if this show was going to take the same route (and really hoping they wouldn't). Thanks for letting me know what the producers said. _

_The whole funny thing didn't work here, but I'm sure I'll find a way to fit it in somewhere. This episode was a bit of a mess – I couldn't watch the whole thing again. But it also featured the most beautiful heart breaking moment between Chuck and Sarah to date (in my opinion). I didn't go AU on it, much, but I hope the rest of the story does it justice._

_It's from Sarah's POV again. During the show Chuck often 'airs his lady feelings', so I prefer to give Sarah a voice. Yvonne does such an amazing job conveying what her character is thinking and feeling, which is really what inspired me to write these. _

_I don't own Chuck. _

"Hey," Sarah called softly as Chuck was leaving. He turned around. "Uh...I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Chuck shrugged. "Yeah. I mean I guess I've gotten used to us being a team, you know."

"Well, we're not going anywhere yet. But Shaw is right. At some point I'm just gonna be standing in your way and...not just professionally."

"Right." Chuck hesitated a little. "Are you sure you're okay with the whole Hannah thing?"

"Oh, I shouldn't have given you a hard time. She's great and..."

"How do you think I feel about you and Shaw? I mean, you two are perfect together. It's disgusting."

Sarah gave Chuck a small smile. "Ah..."

"In...in...in...in a heart warming kind of way." He broke eye contact and sighed. "Look, all I know is the guy carried you out of Castle on his back while you were both dying." Sarah took a deep breath. "So if I have to see you with someone else, it might as well be a hero, right?"

Sarah just shrugged. "What can I say, I have a type." Chuck gave her a wistful smile. They looked at each other for a moment.

"I'll see you, Sarah," he finally broke the silence.

"Bye, Chuck," she whispered back. Her smile faltered when he turned and walked away. She let out a heart-rending sigh.

Cole Barker was right. It's hard to walk away from someone you care about. But watching the man you love walk away from you into the arms of another woman – that was worse than torture.

_[Section break]_

Sarah had been a CIA agent since she barely finished high school. All her life every city was a new mission, a new identity. It wasn't all that unfamiliar. Being the daughter of a con artist her life was pretty much the same. Only now she didn't have to keep looking over her shoulder for fear of getting caught. One thing didn't change. She couldn't get close to anyone or allow anybody to get close to her. But she was still a person. And even though she had to keep it hidden, she needed someone. Someone who could validate her existence. She wanted to know that she wasn't just some skin covered robot, some tool her father or the government used to get the job done. She understood that it was a futile desire at best, given the life that was chosen for her and the path she subsequently chose.

There were times she gave into that desire. Not fully, she still didn't let anyone in. But sometimes she just craved the touch of another human being. That's why she didn't resist when Bryce suggested they take their partnership to the next level. For a few months she enjoyed the brief moments of just being 'more normal'. Then Bryce died and things seemed to spiral out of control. She suppressed all her emotions again and focused on the job at hand. It wasn't easy, but she did it. She had to. She slipped a few times. She kissed Bryce when he came back from the 'dead'. She returned Cole's advances. And now she's going down this path with Shaw. The only thing is, it was different now. She craved _his_ touch. And because she couldn't have it, she settled for second best.

Sarah remembered the first time Chuck touched her. He was behind the Nerd Herd desk, his head on his arms, mumbling something about losing his mind. She rang the bell to get his attention. Instead of looking up as she expected, he grabbed her hand, thinking it was Morgan's. When his fingers brushed gently over hers, something happened. She found something more. Something she didn't even know she was looking for. But Chuck Bartowski was her mark. And then he was her asset.

She tried to keep her distance. Yet she always found ways of touching him in the hope that he would reciprocate. He did. He was Chuck. She held of his hand as often as she could. Even allowed herself a few hugs. All under the guise of cover, of course. But she still had to rebuff every advance Chuck made. It was excruciating. Especially after the times she slipped up. It took her a couple of days to get back into agent mode after she kissed him at the docks. She was angry. She was angry at the agency and its rules, even though she rationally understood. She was angry at herself for making the situation more complicated. She was angry at the universe for playing such a cruel joke on her. She took her anger out on Chuck. She didn't even realise it until she tried to straighten his bowtie before a mission and he brushed off her touch. Much to her relieve things went back to 'normal' shortly after that.

There were times Chuck would initiate contact. Hardly ever to sell the cover, though. She cherished every one of those moments. She'd never forget the way he held her hands while they were waiting for the helicopter to take him to an underground bunker. Or the feel of his fingers brushing against her wrist when he fastened the bracelet he gave her for Christmas. The way he held her when Fulcrum tried to upload her with their intersect. But most of all, how he entwined his fingers with hers after she told him she didn't have anybody who ever cared about her enough to risk his life for hers like he did for Morgan. And he told her in so many words that she did. He cared about her. And she could feel it every time he touched her.

Sarah stared out at the moonlit ocean. _How did everything go so wrong? _One moment she woke up in Barstow, in his arms and she decided to let go. To let him in. To give him as much as she has always received. When his dad removed the intersect, all she could think about was the future they would have. She dreamed about wearing his ring again, this time for real. She wanted a curly haired boy with kind brown eyes. And a blonde baby girl who would have her dad wrapped around her little finger. She would never long for someone to touch her again. They were so close. The next moment Chuck uploaded the intersect again and decided to become a spy.

She didn't hate Chuck for it. She blamed herself. Three years ago she asked him if he wanted to be a hero. The night of Ellie's wedding, when she wanted to tell him that she was planning to stay, she told him that he was that guy. He was a hero. That's what she tried to tell him earlier today. It came out all wrong. Heroes weren't her type. He was. He was the only hero she ever wanted. Now, thanks to her pride and her inability to talk about her feelings, Chuck was with Hannah. And she was seeking comfort in the arms of Shaw.

_[Section break]_

The sun was starting to rise. Sarah hadn't moved from her spot on the beach. From their spot. That's where Chuck found her.

"Hi," he greeted softly, not wanting to startle her. He sat down beside her, staring out over the ocean.

"Hi." Sarah didn't know what else to say. She wasn't expecting him. She thought he would be with Hannah.

"I thought you weren't a morning person? Given the number of alarm clocks you've murdered." Chuck broke the silence after a while.

"I'm not. And it was only one."

"That I know of. Were you here all night?" Sarah didn't miss the concern in her voice. Chuck turned to look at her when she didn't respond. "Are you okay?"

No. "Yeah," she tried to sound upbeat.

"Care to try again?" She always had to work harder to fool him. She only managed to do so a handful of times. Chuck once told her her eyes gave her away. Which was why she couldn't look at him now.

"Talk to me, Sarah." Chuck raised his hand to push a stray curl behind her ear. Just before he touched her, he let his hand drop. Sarah's gaze followed his hand and then she met his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You," she answered softly. She shouldn't be telling him this. He found someone else. Pretty soon the team will be disbanded. She and Shaw will head up the intersect project from Washington. Chuck will go off and save the world. One mission at a time. She was proud of him and everything he'd accomplished. But the thought made her sad. Sarah smiled woefully. That was the understatement of the millennium.

"What did I do?" Chuck was a little surprised by her response.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she quickly assured him. She didn't know why she ventured down this road. It wasn't fair to him to tell him now. Then again, she hadn't been fair to him a lot over the past three years. Maybe she should just add this to her long list of regrets. The only question was if she was going to add the regret of letting the last chance to tell him pass her by or the regret of laying this on him. Chuck made the decision for her. He reached out and took her hand. Instinctively she entwined her fingers with his.

"I'm in love with you, Chuck." He didn't respond immediately, except for tightening his fingers around hers. "I know it's probably the worst time to tell you and it's complicated..." There was that word again.

"Sarah," he interrupted, "stop." Sarah felt a twist in her chest. She expected this, but it still hurt.

"I just made a monumental fool of myself, didn't I?" She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

Chuck shook his head. "No, you didn't. I think that was the bravest thing I've ever seen you do." He lifted his free hand, this time tucking the stray curl behind her ear, gently stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Do you have any idea how long I've waited for you to say that?" Sarah felt her heart rate speed up.

"What about Hannah? She followed you all the way from Paris..." She looked down at their entwined hands. Chuck moved his hand to her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze again.

"Sarah, you've always been the one. I love you. I'm sorry that Hannah is going to be hurt, but if I stay with her, it wouldn't be fair. She'll get hurt either way. The same goes for Shaw." Sarah knew Chuck was right. Besides, she could never be with anyone else. Not when she knew Chuck loved her too.

"I know. It was a mistake to cross that line with him."

"It's okay. We both made mistakes in the past, but it will all work out in the end." He gave her one of his famous Bartowski smiles.

"How can you be so sure? There's still Beckman and the CIA and you are going to be reassigned soon..."

"Because we make a great team. I don't think Beckman will have a problem with us being together. If she did, she wouldn't have let you stayed after the 49B or refused your request for a reassignment. Who knows, maybe we can convince her to let us take over from the Turners. I hear they're thinking of retiring."

Sarah lifted an eyebrow is surprise. "Chuck, the Turners are a married couple."

"I know." His hand moved to back of neck, playing with the loose strands of hair. She leant into his touch. She could really get used to this.

"Does that mean you want to marry me?" The words were out before she could stop them. Sarah didn't think it was possible, but his smile got even bigger.

"Yeah. Do you want to marry me?" Sarah's eyes widened a little, but she couldn't contain her smile.

"Yes." She cupped his cheek, moving closer to him. Chuck met her half way. The kiss was different from the previous ones they've shared. It was filled with the promise of what the future held. The future they both wanted which was finally theirs.

"So this is really going to happen?" Chuck asked in awe when the kiss ended.

Sarah nodded. "Mmm hmm," she smiled. She was too out of breath to respond properly. She couldn't quite believe it herself.

"In that case," Chuck said as he got up, pulling Sarah with him, "we have some shopping to do."

"Shopping?" Realisation dawned on her. "Chuck, we don't need to buy a ring today. We should talk to Shaw and Hannah first."

"We will. But the shopping can't wait. We need to pick up some earplugs." Chuck wrapped his arm securely around Sarah as they walked back to their cars.

"Earplugs?"

"For when we tell Ellie. Trust me." Sarah turned towards him.

"Do you think she's going to be happy about this? After everything that's happened..." Chuck cut her off with another kiss.

"You worry too much, honey. She's going to be ecstatic. Actually I think she has the whole wedding planned already." Chuck gave Sarah a mischievous smile.

"Why would she do that?" Sarah was a little suspicious. She always knew when he was up to something.

"It could have something to do with the fact that I asked her to safeguard your ring." Chuck looked like he was about to assume the Morgan pose.

"You got me a ring already?" He would never seize to amaze her.

"Yeah, a few months ago. What can I say? I always had faith in you."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "You had faith that I was going to propose to you?"

"I proposed to you."

"I proposed first."

Chuck just laughed as he wrapped Sarah in his arms. Hers circled his neck. "Sweetheart, is our first argument as a real couple seriously going to be about that?"

_A/N Thank you for reading. Forgive my cheesiness, I'm in a weird mood today. It will be a while until my next update, around two weeks or so. I have four assignments due and a new language to learn. For those of you who have read 'covers, lies and ticking time bombs', I haven't forgotten about it. I will try to update soon. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Episode 3x08**

_A/N I just survived torture. Barely. I watched it again. [Enter Casey-grunt here. #4. Disgusting.] But I loved these bad guys. They were so...kinda adorable. I'm sorry they died. _

_About the whole name thing – Samantha Lisa What's-her-surname? I don't buy it. Either the writers screwed up (again) or she lied. I believe she lied. If you disagree, just too damn bad (LOL). (If anyone out there is named Samantha Lisa, I do apologise, I don't mean to offend.) I named her Jillian once, thought it would be a little twisted, but is there any other name out there that would feel as right as Sarah Walker? I've read a few fics that called her Sandra (personal opinion: no), Elizabeth (too close to Lisa, actually the same thing) and Margaret (I liked that one). I haven't decided if I'm going to name her. Read this and see._

_Found two Charah moments (technically one of them probably doesn't count, seeing as neither Chuck nor Sarah was in the scene). I've written it anyway. Forgive the script format - the dialogue was the focus. Besides, how many ways can you describe chopping onions? _

_This is what actually happened (if I owned Chuck, which I don't):_

Big Mike: Bartowski is killing it with the ladies.

Lester: Yeah. First there was that hot girl from Stanford.

Jeff: Jill.

Lester: Yeah.

Jeff: Then the brunette with the overpriced deli.

Big Mike: Lou. She was a fine miniature piece of woman.

Lester: And now Hannah. I could moisturise her feet with my saliva.

Jeff: Don't you get it? None of that matter. Chuck may try to replace her, but when he's with Sarah, the light in his eyes shines brightly.

Big Mike (sniffing): Damn onions.

_[Section break]_

Sarah snapped out of her trance and took in her surroundings. This was definitely a cause for concern. Spies couldn't afford to zone out like this. She didn't remember driving here. Maybe she needed a holiday. It's been over three years. The thought of taking time off since this mission started had never crossed her mind. Okay, that was a lie. It crossed her mind twice.

Chuck asked her to go to Mexico. He would pick up the daiquiris if the CIA got the plane tickets. Coach was fine. She thought it was incredibly sweet. And she had to answer with "it would be unprofessional". Truth be told, it was really tempting, but it was just one of the many sacrifices she had to make over the years to avoid being reassigned.

A few months later he asked her if she would do him the honour of taking a vacation with him. For a moment she thought he was going to ask an entirely different question. Somewhere between holding her breath in anticipation and him saying "vacation", she remembered her orders. The greater good. And what she was trying to tell him. "Chuck, I'm leaving in the morning. The details are classified, but I'm working on the new intersect project...with Bryce." That was the moment she knew. When he coldly thanked her for coming to the wedding – "good for the cover" – and left her standing there in tears without so much as a backward glance, she realised she could never leave. Despite her resolve to follow orders like she'd always done, to stay in the comfort zone she created for herself, there was no way she could leave this behind. Leave Chuck behind.

Damn it, she did it again. Not remembering getting out of the car or crossing the street, she found herself hiding behind a plant in the courtyard. Ever since earlier today, when she thought Rafe was going to kill her, she'd been having flashbacks. Mostly about Chuck. She really thought his face was the last thing she'd ever see. The only thing that echoed through her mind was that he heard her conversation with Shaw and she was never going to get a chance to set the record straight. That's why she ended up here. She watched as Chuck knocked on Ellie's door.

"Hi."

"Hi...uhm...you said that I could come to you...if I ever needed to talk..."

Sarah knew she shouldn't be listening to this, but the sadness in his voice kept her rooted on the spot. Chuck was not okay and she was worried about him. He used to talk to her. But that was before.

"Yeah, I'm so glad. Please...start at the beginning."

"I feel like I'm living a lie, Ellie. I used to be able to compartmentalise things, but it's like it's all the time now, it never stops...I feel like I'm not me anymore."

Sarah placed her hand over her mouth to muffle a sob. He lived the lie so well in these past days, just like she told him to. She was disappointed that he was able to pull it off. He was stepping further into the spy world every day. And at the same time further away from her. She never realised what this was doing to him. She didn't know what was going on in his head. Aside from work, she wasn't a part of his life anymore. That realisation hurt more than anything else when she watched Hannah having dinner with Chuck and the Awesomes the previous night.

"I think I know what this is about."

"You do?"

_Damn it, Chuck. You should be able to talk to me about this. You can't tell Ellie everything. You're just going to end up having to lie to her again and that is going to make you feel worse. If only I didn't lie to you about what's going on with Shaw, you would still trust me. I shouldn't have let my jealousy rule my common sense on this one. That was really stupid._

"Maybe things are moving too fast with Hannah...and, even though you really like her, it's feels dishonest because the truth is that you still have feelings for Sarah. Does that sound about right?"

Ellie got it wrong. This wasn't about Hannah. She saw Chuck yesterday morning. For a moment it almost brought a smile to her face to see him act like that again. Like the old Chuck. But her heart was crushed when Casey pointed out, not too subtly, why Chuck was dancing around on cloud nine. Hannah was not just a rebound girl like she hoped. Chuck was moving on. He got over her. Sarah wished she knew how to get over him. She didn't want to, but given everything that happened, what choice did she have?

"See this is...uhm...this is why I don't come talk to you Ellie, 'cause you're half a spy."

"I'm sorry, Chuck, maybe that's not it."

"No, no, no, no. What I mean by that is that you're an excellent half a spy...thanks."

It didn't matter to Sarah whether he was lying to Ellie or not. She was too focused on the pain in his voice. She couldn't stand to see him like this. She hated herself for the part she played. She taught him this life. She forced him to lie. She lied to him. She had to figure out a way to help him. It was her job to protect him. Another lie. It stopped being about the job a long time ago. Either way, she made a hash of it lately.

"Anytime."

Ellie walked out into the courtyard and watched Chuck until he disappeared through the gates of the complex. "You can come out now, Sarah." Sarah's heart jumped into her throat. She didn't notice Ellie coming out of the apartment. Somehow she managed to compose herself. "It's not polite to spy, you know."

"Hi, Ellie." That sounded lame. Sarah stepped out from her hiding place. The last thing she was prepared for was a confrontation with Ellie.

"How much did you hear?" Ellie wasn't mad. She was still too worried about her brother.

"Everything," Sarah confessed. She didn't add that she also heard what Chuck didn't say.

"Come on." Ellie grabbed Sarah's hand, leading her into the apartment. "This has been long overdue." Sarah didn't resist, even though she really wanted to go after Chuck and make sure he's okay. Maybe this wasn't the best time to do that.

"Do you still love him?" Ellie barely gave her a chance to sit down. "And don't give me the we're-just-friends-line or mention the word complicated." Well, that limited her options. The honest truth or another lie? Sarah opted for the safe choice. She kept quiet.

Ellie sighed and took a seat next to Sarah on the couch. "I just don't get it. Chuck loves you, Sarah. The way his eyes light up when he looks at you...even now...even when things between you two are...you know." Sarah couldn't meet Ellie's eyes. She was fighting hard to keep the tears at bay. "He never looked at Hannah that way. Or Jill for that matter."

"I'm not so sure anymore, Ellie." That was the truth. She wanted nothing more than to believe Ellie, but ever since Hannah arrived in Burbank, Chuck distanced himself from her. He never did that before, despite all her efforts to push him away in the past. But if she was completely honest, it could also have something to do with the fact that he thought she was with Shaw. She had no one to blame for that one but herself.

"I am. I know my brother." The irony of that statement wasn't lost on Sarah. "And I may not know you as well as I know Chuck, but I see that same light in your eyes." That caught Sarah a little off guard. "You still love him, Sarah." Ellie paused for a moment to let the statement sink in before she continued. "I understand that you two probably have some things to work through, but don't let anything or anyone stand in the way of your love for each other. Nothing can ever be more important than that."

Sarah took a shaky breath. "You're right, Ellie. I just...I don't know how to do this." Sarah could seduce a mark into doing almost anything, reveal anything, but this was Chuck. This was real.

"Take a page from the Book of Morgan," Ellie suggested, "he's been relentlessly pursuing me for the better part of twelve years now."

Sarah let out a breathless laugh, the tension of earlier momentarily forgotten. "That's not getting him anywhere."

"Ah," Ellie smiled back, "if I ever felt anything more for him than borderline tolerance, it just might have." Ellie turned serious again. "I know it's scary to put yourself out there, and that's normal, but just have a little faith. Chuck is not going to disappoint you, Sarah."

_[Section break]_

Sarah tracked Chuck through the GPS in his watch. She paused at the entrance of the bar and took a deep breath.

"This seat taken?" What was it with her and lame responses today?

"You know it's not. No need to use a line on me." Chuck turned back to his drink. "What's your poison?"

Sarah decided to ignore his comment and nodded to the bartender. "I'll have what he's having."

Chuck raised an eyebrow in surprise, still not looking at her. "Never figured you'd go for the hard stuff."

"Depends on the occasion," she simply answered. He didn't need to know that she was looking for some liquid courage. When she had her drink, Chuck raised his glass to her in a mock salute.

"To the biggest jerk you'll ever meet."

Sarah's head snapped up. "What?"

"No, no, no, the best liar. That's it. But it's the same thing really." Chuck drowned the last of whiskey, signalling for another.

"Chuck, what happened?" Sarah had a feeling that this was about more than the mission.

"Nothin'," he mumbled as he picked up his glass. Sarah resisted the urge to slam hers down on the counter.

"Damn it, Chuck, this has to stop. No more lies. Not between you and me. Can we go somewhere private and talk?"

"I slept with Hannah last night and dumped her today. There, no more lies. I can't go anywhere at the moment, still a little busy here," he took another sip of his drink, "and you should really go home. Shaw is probably worried. We can talk tomorrow...maybe."

Sarah squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. He wasn't making this easy, but she had no intention of giving up just yet. She was thrilled that he broke up with Hannah, but she hated seeing him like this. She surveyed the bar and found what she was looking for. "I'll be right back." Chuck didn't respond.

Sarah found some quarters in her purse but she paused at the jukebox. She didn't really know anything about music. She motioned a waitress over, handing her the coins. The girl looked puzzled. Sarah tried her best to explain. "Please play some...uhm...slow songs. And keep them coming until we're done."

A grin broke over the waitress' face. "That's so romantic," she sighed. Sarah gave her a somewhat fake smile. It wasn't really, but it was the best she could do to get some privacy in a public bar.

When she reached Chuck, she gently took the glass out of his fingers. "Dance with me?"

Chuck sighed. "You know I'm not really comfortable..."

"It's a slow dance and you're great at those." He was amazing actually, but then again, it didn't involve more than holding onto your partner and swaying a bit. He had some impressive dance moves in the intersect, but she preferred a slow dance with the real Chuck. Sarah was not taking no for an answer and managed to get Chuck out on the dance floor. She didn't wait for him to make a move. Closing the gap between their bodies, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Chuck's hands were resting lightly on her hips. Not what she was hoping for, but for now, it'll do. She reached up to whisper in his ear, much like she did when she told him they had to run.

"I need to tell you something. You're probably going to get mad, but please just let me explain. It's important." She felt Chuck nod against her cheek. "The thing between me and Shaw...it's not what you think. When he joined the team...I don't know...I just got this uneasy feeling. I've never heard of him before. I didn't know if he could be trusted with your secret. Our secret." Sarah stopped when the music did. Moments later another song started. "I wasn't planning to go the seduction route, but when I saw you with Hannah, I guess my jealousy got the better of me."

"Sarah..." he whispered.

"Wait, there's something else." If she stopped now, she was scared she might not have the courage to see this through. "I lied to him...about my name. I was hoping it would get him to trust me more. But Chuck, if I had any idea you were listening, I would never have said any of that, even if it was a lie. I would never hurt you like that on purpose. You have to believe me."

Chuck didn't respond immediately, but his hands moved to her back, holding her a little tighter. He finally broke the silence with a whisper. "It doesn't matter." Chuck felt Sarah stiffen. "It mattered for about ten minutes." He took a deep breath. "Sarah...earlier today...when you were lying on the floor after that shot...I thought you were dead..." Chuck took a moment to compose himself. Sarah tightened her grip. Chuck responded by wrapping his arms around her. "I realised nothing will ever be as important as knowing you're here and safe. Your name...Shaw...none of it. As long as I don't lose you like that...I can deal with the rest."

Sarah wiped away a tear before returning her hand to the back of his neck. "I thought that was it." She was never scared of dying before, but yesterday was different. It meant leaving Chuck.

"Yeah, but it wasn't. We got a second chance. I know things between us haven't been the same since Prague...and Hannah...she's a great girl...it's just...I'm not ready...I can't move on yet."

"Chuck," Sarah took a step back so she could look at him, "I don't want you to move on."

"What do you want, Sarah?" They've stopped dancing, but they were still holding onto each other.

"I want you to love me. I want you to love me as much as I love you." Sarah held her breath, searching his face. This was it, the moment of truth.

Chuck lowered his head, resting his forehead against hers. He didn't break eye contact. "I do. I love you." Sarah let her breath out slowly. She reached up to close the distance between their lips, but Chuck pulled back, catching her eyes again. "And when I say I love you, I mean just that. You. It doesn't matter what your name is or where you grew up. I still want to know all those things, but it's just details. It's not going to make me love you any different."

Sarah smiled up at him, all the anxiety and tension forgotten. "That was very eloquent, agent Bartowski." She reached up again, whispering against his lips, "I will tell you Chuck, all of it. I promise. I want you to know because I love you." She captured his lips before he could say anything more. Chuck pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.

When they finally came up for air, Chuck gave her a big smile. "Let's go home, before I rethink my views on PDA."

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A/N This was my third attempt at this episode. And it took an obscene amount of nicotine. I wanted to write the scene where Rafe held Sarah hostage, but I couldn't find an appropriate place in this chapter, so I decided on only referring to it instead. Sorry if you're disappointed that I didn't do anything with the real name issue. Let's hope the writers tackle that in season 4. It's about time they tell us Sarah's back story. In the mean time, I'll stick with the wonderful writers on this site who came up with some awesome stories. 

_I'm still deciding if this sucks or not. The only thing that can really help this episode is brain bleach. It was a crime against humanity. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Episode 3x09**

_A/N I have no idea why the previous chapter uploaded in italics – the original and doc manager were fine. I blame Shaw HAHA. Sorry if it made it difficult to read, let's hope it doesn't happen with this one._

_I had to go totally AU here. Once again, more Sarah/Shaw aka gag-moments than Charah moments. I couldn't stomach watching the whole thing again, so where I go totally of episode, just bear with me. That's what AU is for, isn't it? _

_Thank you for all the reviews, it's the only thing making it worthwhile to watch these episodes again. I don't own Chuck. At this point, I don't want to._

Sarah tried accessing Castle again. Nothing. Damn it! Chuck was down there with heaven knows how many ring agents and he couldn't flash. She clung to the hope that he was okay. He had to be. All she needed to do was figure out a way in and save him. She hurried back into the Orange Orange. Maybe Shaw had better luck. He didn't. But he had a plan B.

"Castle has a self-destruct programme built into it in case of catastrophic events like this." Shaw reached for his cell phone. "I'm calling Langley and activating it."

Sarah was shocked that he'd even consider it. "No. You can't destroy Castle. Chuck is down there!"

"So is every piece of intelligence we have. Not just on the ring. Everything."

"Please, just give Chuck five more minutes, okay? For me." Sarah was trying desperately to appeal to Shaw's human side. How can he be so cold and calculating about this? It's Chuck.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. You can't think of Chuck. You have to think like a spy."

"I am thinking like a spy. Chuck is a member of my team and he has served this country well and...for all that he has done, the least we can do is just give him five more minutes." Sarah couldn't believe she was in this situation again, pleading for mere minutes in the hope of saving Chuck. Only this time, if she failed, she couldn't come up with a backup plan to rescue him from an underground bunker. She would lose him forever.

_[Section break]_

"So that's it. That's how it happened." Morgan shook his head in disbelief. "So now I've got this thing in my brain. The intersect, like I told you, you know, and it's not working. Anything else you wanna know before we die?"

"Uhm...yeah, yeah, just one more...uhm...so Sarah is your handler? Does that make her your beard?" Chuck frowned. "In other words, is your whole relationship a fake...'cause, oh buddy, that's...this is awful."

"Why? Because we never had sex?"

"No man, I just feel like, you know, having to be..." Morgan did a double take. "You never had sex with that girl?" He shook his head. "That's not...no...it's awful that you had to pretend to be in a relationship with somebody that you...clearly love."

Chuck was struggling for an answer. "Sarah and I are over, you know."

"No, you're not. You're a good liar, Chuck, but you're not that good, alright. You lied to me for three years, but I always knew...you love that girl. I mean, I saw how you looked at her. We all did." Chuck didn't say anything. "It's okay. You don't have to deny it. You tell me you don't love Sarah," Morgan dared Chuck.

Chuck thought about what Morgan just said for a moment. "You know what, you're right, buddy. I do love Sarah. I kept telling myself that I didn't...that I wouldn't...that I couldn't, but I do." Chuck let out a relieved laugh. For the first time in what feels like forever, he feels like Chuck again. "Morgan, you have no idea how badly I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you."

_[Section break]_

Sarah tried the computer again. Access denied. Casey stormed through the door. "I couldn't get in. We're locked out." Sarah's heart sank. She turned to Shaw, on the verge of tears.

"Time's up." Shaw dialled Langley again. This couldn't be happening. She had to save Chuck. Without thinking twice she drew her gun, aiming it at Shaw.

"Hang up." Shaw didn't flinch. Casey knew he had to draw on her, but he could bring himself to do so. He decided to wait it out instead, see what her next move is. He knew they had orders to destroy all intel, the intersect included, should it ever fall into enemy hands, but just like two years ago, he wasn't sure if he could go through with it. He was always certain Sarah wouldn't. She'd been comprised. Sarah Walker was still one hell of a spy, but she was also a woman in love.

"Sarah, you know we have to do this." Shaw reached for her gun just as the shot went off. Everything seemed to happen all at once. Instead of hitting him in the shoulder where she aimed, the bullet struck him in his chest. He slumped back against the wall and slid down. At the same time the Castle doors opened, revealing a smiling Morgan and a shocked Chuck.

The first thing Chuck saw was Casey drawing his gun on Sarah. He turned Morgan around by his shoulders, not taking his eyes of Casey. "Get back in there."

"But buddy..." Morgan whined.

"Orders, Morgan. Now." Morgan didn't need any more convincing. The tone of Chuck's voice and the memory of his kickass moves a few minutes ago was more than enough motivation. He didn't want to be on the receiving end of that, best friend or not.

When the door closed again, Chuck stepped through the doorway, taking in the scene in front of him. Shaw was lying on the floor, blood pooling under his body. Sarah was still clutching onto her gun, aimed at Shaw. Casey had his gun trained on Sarah. He had trouble processing what just happened. He hated it when Sarah had to shoot an enemy agent, usually to protect him, but this time she killed one of their own. He wasn't sure yet what he should make of this. Chuck's attention snapped back to Casey when he cocked his weapon. "Drop the gun, agent Walker."

Chuck knew he had to do something. Some of his most terrifying moments on missions were when Sarah was threatened, no matter who pointed the gun. "Guys, stand down." They didn't move. "Casey, please don't."

"Sorry, Bartowski. No can do. Drop your gun, Sarah." Casey slowly moved around a table towards Sarah. Chuck had to think fast. He didn't think Casey would shoot Sarah, but he also never imagined Sarah would shoot Shaw. He couldn't take the chance.

"Sarah, please put the gun down?" Sarah lifted her eyes, meeting Chuck's. Her face was unreadable. She still wasn't cooperating. "Sarah?" Chuck was getting really worried. This was not like her. Maybe she was in shock or something?

Casey was still inching closer. Chuck knew he had to get him to point his gun away from Sarah. He quickly went through his options. He couldn't tackle Casey. What if the gun went off and hit Sarah? He didn't want to flash. He could hurt Sarah himself. He had to distract Casey. Chuck quickly swooped down, grabbing Shaw's gun. He prayed that this would work. And that he wouldn't get shot.

He quickly ran his thumb up the side of the gun, making sure the safety was in place, before pointing it at Sarah. "Drop your weapon, Sarah!" He wished he could tell her not to freak out.

It worked. Casey was so surprised by Chuck's actions that he took his eyes and aim of her for a moment. He wasn't the only one.

Sarah snapped out of her trance and lowered her gun. Everything came crashing down on her. She shot Shaw. She thought he was going to kill Chuck. But Chuck was fine. And Shaw was dead. She noticed that Casey was distracted by Chuck who was aiming a gun at her. He wouldn't shoot. He couldn't have changed that much. Unlike her. For the first time in more than twelve years her first impulse is to run. And she did.

Surprised again, Casey spun around, but Sarah was too quick. He raised his gun as she opened the door, but before he could fire, a hard shoulder caught him in the ribs and he hit the ground.

"What the hell, moron!" he yelled as he got up, yanking Chuck up with him. "You let her get away!"

Chuck twisted himself out of Casey's grip and rubbed his shoulder. "Did you really think I'd let you shoot her?"

"She shot a CIA agent. Our agent in charge. She's in a shitload of trouble."

Chuck felt his anger boiling to the surface. After everything that happened today, he could no longer hold onto his 'calm centre'. "You didn't stop her! You only pulled your gun after the fact! Why would she shoot Shaw, anyway? She must have had a good reason. A very good one."

Casey wasn't expecting Chuck to lose his temper. That rarely happened. "Shaw was going to activate Castle's self-destruct programme."

"He was what! I was down there! What about the kill switch?" Chuck couldn't believe it. Shaw was going to destroy the intersect? As the host, he took that personally. Sarah shot Shaw to save him.

Casey frowned. "What kill switch?"

"The application that disables all forms of communication and surveillance. It's one of the precautions to prevent our intel from falling into enemy hands and one of us is actually in Castle to activate it. The self-destruct programme is only to be used in extreme circumstances. Didn't you read the fucking manual?"

Casey was taken aback by Chuck's outburst. He couldn't even come up with an appropriate grunt as response.

Something suddenly dawned on Chuck. "Shaw knew about it."

"What? Why would he order the self-destruct then? Unless he thought you didn't know about the kill switch. Sarah and I sure as hell didn't."

"We discussed it the other day...shit, Sarah!" Chuck took off running.

"Bartowski! Where the hell are you going? We need to sort out this mess."

"I have to find Sarah and make sure she's okay." What was he saying? She was clearly not okay. She wouldn't have taken off like that if she was. He couldn't even begin to phantom what was going on in her head right now.

"Chuck," Casey grabbed his arm, "did you activate it?"

Chuck tried to free his arm, eager to go after Sarah. "Of course," he resisted adding 'moron'. He will piss Casey off another time. Right now he needed to find Sarah.

"One more thing. Find Sarah, don't let her run. It will only make matters worse."

"You want me to turn her in?" This was unbelievable. After everything they've been through...

"No. When you find her, just stay with her." Casey glanced over at Shaw's body. "Something's off here. Give me a little time to check on something. We'll decide from there. Understood." Chuck nodded, but he was already formulating his own plan.

Casey released him. "Check the train station first."

"That was the plan. And, Casey," Chuck turned at the door, "Morgan better be in one piece when I get back."

Casey grunted. This day just kept getting worse.

_To be continued..._

__

A/N Now you're all thinking 'What the hell?' A one-shot wasn't gonna cut it, this episode will have two or three chapters. Let me know if you buy this and want me to continue or if I should come up with something different.

_I'm trying my best not to go too OOC, but it's about time Chuck loses his cool and puts Casey in his place (not too much, though). And Sarah acted on emotion (like she often does) and believed she screwed up royally. But there is method in my madness. At least Shaw is dead (even though no one cared enough to actually check for a pulse LOL) - especially for you, actDave. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Episode 3x09 - Part 2**

_A/N And we're still in italics... Glad you enjoyed the first part of this. Here's what happened next in my version of Chuck vs the beard (which still doesn't not belong to me)._

**NerdHerder**

Chuck jumped into his modified NerdHerder and adjusted his earpiece. As soon as he turned out of the parking lot, he hit speed dial. Sarah's phone went straight to voice mail. He suppressed a frustrated groan.

"Sarah, it's me, Chuck. Sorry I had to aim a gun at you, but it was all I could think of, like on our first date, remember? The safety was on the whole time, I swear. But that's not important now. I need to know you're okay. Please call me the minute you get this. Everything is going to work out fine. I promise. Just let me know where you are. Please call me."

**Orange Orange/Castle**

Casey stepped around the crime scene, careful to avoid disturbing it too much, just in case. He punched in his code and the door to Castle opened. Inside Morgan was pacing nervously.

"Finally! I was scared those guys were going to wake up and I don't know any 'Chuck' moves...yet." Casey just grunted. "But this place is so cool, man. Can you imagine playing Call of Duty on this beauty?" Morgan leaned against the centre plasma screen, stroking it lovingly.

"Stop that!" Casey growled. He could imagine Beckman's reaction if she were to suddenly appear and get an eyeful of beard dandruff. Morgan jumped to attention. "Where's the ring agents?"

"In the back, where you keep the swords." Casey frowned. What swords? He didn't have time for this. "Just show me, moron."

"Lieutenant, that hurt. I'm still you ass man, don't forget." Morgan quickly ducked away when Casey stepped closer. "Okay, okay. In here you're the big bad spy. I get it. Follow me, Colonel." Morgan saluted and led Casey to the dojo where the ring agents were still out cold. Casey popped two tranquiliser darts in each, making sure they won't be going anywhere for at least the next twelve hours.

"Wow, talk about shooting a man when he's down." Morgan threw his hands up in surrender when Casey turned to him. "Just sayin'. Shouldn't we tie them up or something? You know, I did fail knot tying when I was a boy scout, but you could probably show me some...shutting up now," he quickly concluded when the barrel of the tranq gun was pressed between his eyes.

"I'll deal with them later. You're first." Morgan gulped.

"C...C...Casey, sorry about...the ass man...I..."

Casey waved the tranq pistol. "Shut up and move." They made their way back to the surveillance room. "Sit down." Morgan sank down on the nearest chair. "Hands behind your back."

"Is that really necessary? Don't you trust me, Lieut...Colonel?"

"No." Casey grabbed Morgan's arms and cuffed him. Next the tied his legs to the chair, ignoring his protests. "Don't worry, handcuffs' a cinch," he pressed down hard on Morgan thumb, "just break this little bone right here..."

"Are you crazy, man? I'm not gonna break my own bone!"

Casey grinned. "Didn't think so." He yanked the chair backwards. Morgan let out a girly scream. "Not this again," Casey mumbled to himself. He dragged Morgan into one of the detention cells. "Sit tight." Moments later Casey returned with a syringe. Morgan's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. One of the many things he and Chuck shared was their fear of needles.

"Wha...what's that for?"

Casey gave him an evil smile. "Truth serum. Makes you spill all the secrets you carry in that beard."

"C'mon Casey, be reasonable." Morgan's voice wavered. "It's me. All you have to do is ask, honest. All my secrets are yours, but please, no needles."

"That depends. What did you see?"

"Uhm...you're gonna have to be more specific. Otherwise we might be here a while and I'm really in the mood for some sizzling shrimp...and when I get hungry, I get kinda angry..." Morgan let out a squeal when Casey dragged the needle over the skin on his forearm. "Okay, okay, what did I see when?"

"When you and Chuck got out of Castle. What did you see?"

"Nothing much. There was some smoke and then Chuck shoved me right back in here with the bad guys. I swear. That's all I saw. Why? What happened?"

Casey narrowed his eyes. Morgan seemed to be telling the truth. He knew how loyal Morgan was to Chuck. That made Casey trust him a little. "I can tell you, but you know what would happen then."

"You'll have to kill me? That's so cliché, Colonel."

"I'll torture you first." Morgan gulped again.

"Got it. I don't wanna know."

Casey just grunted. He stepped out of the cell and punched in the code to lock it. It didn't work. Damn, seems like not all the functions of Castle had been restored. That meant reading the manual. He looked at Morgan, tied up in the chair. No time for that now. He had to take care of the ring agents and confirm his suspicions.

**NerdHerder**

Chuck was getting increasingly frustrated. He felt like he was hunting for a needle in a haystack. He checked the train station, her hotel, the beach, the pier. He was on his way to the airport now. He couldn't get a trace on her cell phone. She could be anywhere, but he wasn't ready to give up. He dialled Sarah's number again.

"Sarah, it's me again. Listen, whatever you do, don't run. We'll sort this out. And if we can't, we run together, okay? You and me, no looking back. Just don't run on your own. Don't disappear on me, Sarah. Please call me when you get this. Please."

**Orange Orange**

Casey stood, arms folded, staring down at Shaw's body. What was he missing here? Shaw tried to call in for the self-destruct when it wasn't necessary. Walker killed him to prevent it. He decided to tackle the 'easier' problem first.

Walker would do anything to protect Bartowski. No mystery why. But she wasn't stupid, even when she acted on emotion. Casey closed his eyes and replayed the events in his head. Walker pulled her gun on Shaw. Shaw reached over to take it from her, angling his body towards her. He put himself in the line of fire. Casey opened his eyes, sighing in relief. Walker wasn't going for a kill shot. Shaw stepped into that bullet. Only one problem – how does he prove it to Beckman?

Casey was the only witness and given some of the stunts he pulled over the past three years, his credibility with Beckman wasn't what it used to be. He questioned his orders when he was told to eliminate the asset. When he told Beckman there was nothing to worry about when she inquired about the nature of Chuck and Sarah's relationship, she didn't trust him. She sanctioned all his surveillance and send in a 49B. Casey was also pretty sure she didn't believe him when he covered for Walker on the treason charges after she took Chuck off grid to find his father. Beckman chose to look the other way because it would look bad for the agency to throw the agent in prison that was vital in taking down Fulcrum. If he went to Beckman with this, chances are she'd think he was only covering for his partner.

Casey sighed. After everything they've been through as a team, he couldn't let his partner lose everything over this. Neither of his partners. He could make it go away. Making the body disappear was easy enough. It might be a little harder to convince Beckman that Shaw went off grid, but agents did it all the time. The agency would launch a search, come up empty and draw their own conclusions. He just had to make sure he had all his bases covered. Shaw's annual trip to Paris was coming up. Bartowski could hack into some flight records and add Shaw's name to the passenger list. Faking the travel report submitted to the CIA would be child's play. Then, when Shaw didn't return, they'll call it in to Washington. It wasn't by the book, but his conscious was clean. Besides, he'd done worse. The only thing that worried him was Walker. What if this was the kill that drove her over the edge?

He'd known for a while now that she wasn't as hard ass as she led everyone to believe. He saw it the first night she stayed over at Bartowski's for the sake of the cover. She had nightmares. Not the wake up screaming kind. It was more of a silent torture. Out of nowhere, her body start shaking, followed by quiet tears. That was also the night Casey realised Chuck's feelings for Sarah ran deeper than mere infatuation with her looks. He pulled her close and whisper reassuring words in her ear until she calmed down and was sleeping peacefully again. Then he'd rolled back to his side of the bed. And he never mentioned it the next morning. It happened every time without fail.

Casey had always given them a hard time about their lady feelings, but deep down he was envious of what they had. It also frustrated him to no end that they couldn't seem to get their act together. Maybe something good could come out of all of this. Sarah needed Chuck if she wanted to continue being a kickass spy. He hoped she realised it sooner rather than later.

But first things first. Casey bent down and grabbed Shaw's legs, dragging him towards the freezer in the back of the store. It's easier to mop the floor than trying to get blood out of your favourite shirt. He stopped when he heard something hit the ground. Walking around the body, he noticed the phone that fell out of Shaw's pocket. Casey almost laughed as his original plan went out the window. He picked up the ring communicator. This bastard just made it way too easy...

**NerdHerder**

Chuck slammed his fist on the steering wheel, hitting the horn by accident. "Sorry!" he called to a pedestrian who gave him a dirty look. He sighed. Still no Sarah. He hit speed dial. He lost count of how many messages he left. They all said mainly the same. Where are you? Are you okay? Don't run.

"Sarah, do you remember when we went to your reunion? I told you no one would mess with you because I had your back. I still do. You're not alone in this. Semper fi. I realise I'm asking you to trust me more than you've ever trusted anyone, but I will not betray you, Sarah. Never. I love you too much."

**Castle**

Casey punched the last sequence into the computer. There was a slight hum before the monitors came to life. He pulled the surveillance footage of the Orange Orange from earlier that day. He needed to know what was on record. Or more accurately, what was not. Once he made a note of his findings, he turned the surveillance back to the normal feeds. As he got up, something on one of the monitors caught his attention. "Chuck me."

_Commercial break..._

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A/N My first attempt at writing Morgan, it was fun. I know the whole Lieutenant thing between Casey and Morgan in the Buymore has happened yet, but I thought it might be funny. Forgive me if the Casey's plan seems a little flimsy – my experience with covering up murders is limited. There will be plenty Charah in the next chapter. Probably the last chapter for this episode, depending on how long it turns out. I'm trying to get this story done by later today. Once again, thank you so much for the continued support. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Episode 3x09 - Part 3**

_A/N This update is a lot later than promised, very sorry. My body decided to stop protesting about the late nights/early mornings and all nighters and just took over, so I finally got some sleep. Thank you very much for all the feedback on this story and allowing me to go off mission by writing a longer fic for this episode. Here's a little spoiler for you – The Final Exam is not going to be a one shot either._

Very minor editing and an alternative ending - that's all you missed.

_As always, he's not my Chuck.  
_

_

* * *

_

Chuck answered his phone on the first ring, not bothering to look at the caller ID. "Sarah, thank go...Casey? Can we do this later? I'm waiting for Sarah to call."

"Where?"

"That's definitely the last place I would have looked. It's the worst hiding spot ever."

"Okay, I'll be there in ten. Please keep an eye on her?"

"What do you mean more?"

"Are you sure?"

"What do we do now?"

"Okay...and Casey...thanks."

* * *

Chuck barged through the bedroom door. The first thing he saw was Sarah jumping up, startled.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't think." He rushed to her side. Taking her gently by the shoulders, he pushed her back down to sit on the bed. "I'm just so glad I found you. You had me worried. I thought you were half way to Alaska by now." Chuck knelt in front of the bed and gave Sarah's knee a comforting squeeze. "Are you okay?"

Sarah didn't reply. Instead she just shook her head slightly.

"Of course you're not," Chuck said more to himself that to her. Her boyfriend just died and she pulled the trigger. Casey said it wasn't her fault, but he wouldn't elaborate. He told Chuck to get her back to her hotel where there's no surveillance. He'll meet them there and explain everything.

"Sarah, we need to get out of here."

"I'm not going to run, Chuck. I just needed...a little time." Chuck wanted to know what prompted her to hide in his bedroom of all places, considering there were more bugs in here than in the entomology section at the Smithsonian, but given said bugs, it will have to wait.

"I know. We can talk in the car okay." Sarah allowed him to lead her to the NerdHerder.

Sarah was quiet on the way to her hotel. Chuck expected that much, but after a while he couldn't take it anymore. He put his hand over hers and gave it a quick squeeze. "Everything will work out, okay?"

"No, it won't." She had to face the consequences of her actions. She shot a fellow agent. She felt remorse over that, but nothing more. She had to choose between Chuck and Shaw and she would make the same decision every time, but she just wished the outcome wasn't so dire.

Chuck decided on a different tactic. "Why did you hide in my bedroom?"

His question caught Sarah off guard. "I don't know." How was she supposed to explain something to him that she didn't understand herself? She felt safe there. She didn't know why, she just did. For the first time she noticed they were not on their way to Castle.

"Where are we going?"

"Your place. Casey is meeting us there. There's something he need to tell us."

Sarah frowned. "No, Chuck. You need to take me to Castle. I have to tell Beckman what I've done."

"I'm not turning you in, Sarah. Besides, we're not even sure yet what you did."

"I killed Shaw. You have to turn me in. You are not going to cover for me. I don't want you involved in something like that."

Chuck parked the car in front of Sarah's hotel and turned to her. "First of all, I am involved in this. You shot Shaw because of me." He held up a hand when she wanted to protest. "Second, there are circumstances that you are not aware of. That's where Casey comes in. And third..."

"What?" Sarah prompted when he didn't continue.

"I don't have a third," Chuck mumbled and took his tranquiliser pistol out of the cubby hole. "I trust Casey for now, but if he says or does anything to make me believe otherwise, I will tranq him and we run."

"No!" Sarah couldn't believe that he would even suggest it. "I meant what I said. I don't want you involved."

Chuck was not about to concede. "Fine, play it your way. I'll tranq you too and try my best to explain why I want to buy a train ticket for the unconscious woman over my shoulder." He got out of the car before Sarah could respond. "Come on, Casey is waiting."

* * *

Sarah couldn't believe what she was hearing. Shaw set them up. Why didn't she see it? He was working for the ring. When Chuck stopped flashing, it gave him the perfect opportunity to take out the intersect and secure the ring's future. He planned the setup at the resort to make sure Chuck would be alone in Burbank. Then he sent in ring agents under the guise of getting the information they had in Castle, giving him the perfect excuse to activate the self destruct programme. He deliberately didn't tell her or Casey about the kill switch. Casey was quite ticked off when Chuck told him it was actually in the intersect and not in the manual. Chuck didn't tell them because Shaw claimed he already did. And Shaw would probably have told Beckman that Chuck didn't activate it. No one would have suspected him.

There were still a few things that bothered her. "Does the ring know about Chuck?"

"From what I could gather when I interrogated the agents we captured, they don't. Shaw kept that information to himself to use as leverage if he needed it. Chuck is safe." Sarah breathed a sigh of relief.

"Casey, why tell Beckman that you killed Shaw?"

"You had a personal relationship with him, Walker. Beckman might get suspicious as to what really went down and order an investigation. There's no surveillance of what happened, but there could be a lot of very awkward questions. This way we get the matter resolved quickly and put it behind us. Shaw has done enough damage already. Besides, you never set out to kill him. That was just unfortunately...fortunate."

"And you would do that for me?" Sarah wasn't expecting both Casey and Chuck to have her back in this way.

Casey shrugged. His radar told him there were some lady feelings heading his way and he needed to deflect. "You keep Bartowski and Grimes out of my hair and we call it even."

"Not even close. I don't know how to thank you Casey. Both of you." Chuck had been uncharacteristically quiet the whole time.

Casey grunted as the he turned to leave. "Just don't beat yourself up about it, Walker. It happened. Move on." He closed the door behind him.

Sarah turned to Chuck. "Are you okay with this?"

"Of course. I just can't believe Shaw betrayed us like that. And I agree with Casey. There's no need to put your career on the line for this."

"You know I hate it when you lie."

"I'm not lying to you, Sarah."

"No, you're lying for me, Chuck."

"To protect you. That's the only reason I'll ever lie. To protect someone I care about." Chuck got up from one of the green chairs. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. You should go, you look exhausted."

He didn't want to leave, but it was probably for the best. They all needed a good night's sleep before they brief General Beckman in the morning. After that, they'll deal with whatever came next.

"Okay. But switch you phone back on and call me if you need anything."

Sarah gave him half a smile. "I will." She reached up and gave him what was supposed to be a quick peck on the cheek. She lingered a little. "Thank you. For everything."

"That's what partners are for, right?" Chuck quipped as the opened the door. "Good night, Sarah."

"Good night, Chuck," she whispered back as he closed the door.

Her smile faltered. Her career would be fine, but what about her heart? What was she to Chuck now? A partner? A friend? An ex...something? Just when she's about to give up hope, he does something, like breaking up with Hannah or telling her they could run, but then...nothing. Maybe she was just reading too much into it. Maybe he had finally given up on her.

With a heavy sigh, Sarah sat down on her bed and switched on her phone as she promised.

* * *

"Where do you think you're going?" Chuck jumped around, holding his rubber brain key chain in front of him like it was a dangerous weapon.

"Damn it, Casey! Was that really necessary?"

"If you're acting like a moron, yes."

"I'm going home. Did you need a ride?"

"No idiot. Are you really going to drive off and leave her all by herself?"

Chuck slumped back against the NerdHerder. "She told me to leave."

Casey sighed. "Listen up, Bartowski, because I'm only going to say this once. Walker doesn't know what's good for her."

"What do you mean?"

"How bad do you think it's going to get tonight?"

"We don't know that she still gets them, Casey."

"Yeah, Bartowski," Casey answered as he turned to leave, "just keep telling yourself that."

Chuck sat in the Herder keeping an eye on Sarah's window. It's been nearly half an hour and the lights were still burning. Why hasn't she gone to bed yet? He could hardly keep his own eyes open. He sighed. This was stupid. Casey was right, she shouldn't be alone.

Chuck paced the hallway a couple of times before he worked up the nerve to knock. Before his knuckles made contact with the door, it swung open. Sarah grabbed the phone pinched between her ear and shoulder with one hand and his wrist with the other, pulling him into the room. Chuck closed the door with his free hand.

"It took you long enough."

"Uhm...I was only gone for thirty minutes."

Sarah ran her fingers down his palm and clasped her fingers around his. He returned the gesture immediately. "No, Chuck..."

"Oh." Chuck's eyes widened a little. "Oh!"

Sarah gave him a tentative smile. "I missed you, Chuck."

"I missed you too, Sarah." He pulled her a little closer.

"So I guess we're even now?" Her gaze didn't waver.

"What do you mean?"

"You ran off with a Fulcrum agent," Sarah moved her hand to the back of his neck, dropping her phone to the floor in the process, "I dated a Ring agent."

Chuck's free arm circled her back and he closed the last few inches between them. "Not our proudest moments, huh," he responded softly.

Sarah let out a small sigh. "Chuck," she whispered, "I think we should stop seeing other people."

* * *

A/N It was uneditable (is that even a word?), so this is an alternative ending. I know it's a lot shorter, but I promise some more Charah goodness in Chapter 12. I've left the original below, seeing as some of you liked it, so go ahead and pick your favourite ending.

* * *

Chuck fell onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He wished he could stay like this for at least a week. This plan has got to work. There's too much at stake. But then what? Does Beckman send in a new team leader? Another superhero-hopefully-not-turned-villain to seduce his girl? His girl? Chuck's thoughts were interrupted by his phone. He groaned. Is this day never going to end? Without lifting his head he fished it out his pocket. Tilting his head slightly, he opened one eye to read the text.

'Please unlock the Morgan door?'

Chuck bolted upright. He recognised her silhouette immediately. He opened the window and helped Sarah step inside.

"What are you doing here? Is everything okay?" He left her barely an hour ago and she promised to call if she needed anything.

"I..." Sarah hesitated a little. She really didn't think this through before she came over. "Do you still call it the Morgan door? Seeing as he lives here now..."

"Uhm...I hadn't really thought about it." Chuck frowned a little. Sarah didn't usually say much and she hardly ever made small talk unless it was for the sake of the cover. "Why are you here Sarah?"

Sarah took a deep breath. "We need to talk. It's okay," she assured Chuck when he wanted to protest, "Casey's not watching and he promised not to record. Well, at least for the next hour."

"Okay. Do you wanna sit down? Can I get you a drink or something? There's still some sizzling shrimp left over...Morgan ordered earlier..." Chuck started to ramble. He was suddenly nervous. The few times Sarah wanted to talk in the past always led to her pushing him away. They weren't together now, so she couldn't really do that. Maybe she didn't want to go through with their plan?

"I'm good thanks," she answered softly. Chuck sat down on the edge of the bed, but Sarah remained standing near the window. A quick escape, Chuck thought. He wondered if this running away thing was going to become a habit with her now. What happened to his Sarah? For the past couple of months she was acting more like agent Walker than the person he got to know over those first two years of this assignment. Before Prague.

"About your message..." Sarah trailed off. She was never good at this part, discussing feelings.

Chuck's eyes widened. After everything that they learned about Shaw and the ring and strategising about how to deal with the situation, he kinda forgot about that message. Truth be told, this was probably not a good time to deal with it anyway. They were both tired and Sarah was still processing everything that happened today.

"Look, Sarah...just forget about that. Let's concentrate on dealing with the ring issue first, okay?" That's something Chuck never thought he'd say.

Sarah felt the all too familiar twist in her chest. The Chuck she knew didn't bury his feelings. He told her and now he was taking it back. She never thought she could hurt worse than she did in Prague. But she pushed him away and when she finally tried to make it right, it was too late. She should have just been honest with him a long time ago. She needed to be honest with him now. If she was ever going to get any sort of closure and hope of moving on someday, she had to know they were truly over. She turned her back to him and stared out the window, trying to avoid looking at the fountain. That was another painful memory, but she didn't want to revisit it right now.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted when you came back from Prague."

"Sarah, it's okay. That was a long time ago and doesn't really matter anym..."

"Chuck, please let me finish. For once, just listen."

"Okay," Chuck realised how hard this was for her to open up and if she wanted to do that now, he was not going to stop her.

"I was hurt and angry. I was angry at you for hurting me and I was angry that I allowed myself to be hurt in that way." Chuck closed his eyes for a moment, wanting to apologise, but remaining quiet as per her request. "But I got over it." That surprised Chuck.

"The thing is...I didn't know how to fix this. Fix us. I wanted to, but...I thought our cover as friends was a good place to start...that it would lead to something more...something real and that we could get back what we had...and have a real relationship," Sarah took another deep breath to try and remain composed "but that didn't happen. I went too far and you pulled away from me. I lost you, Chuck."

Chuck wanted to tell her she was wrong, but he knew that wouldn't be the whole truth. She was being totally honest with him and he needed to do the same. Before he could speak, Sarah continued.

"I didn't know what that meant until Hannah showed up. I was just so confused and alone...and Shaw was there...I reverted back to what I knew...what I was comfortable with...like with Bryce. They didn't expect everything from me. They didn't even want it. Not like you," she added softly. They were both quiet for a while. Chuck didn't know who to respond to that. Sarah fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. She needed to ask him something and she wanted an honest answer. She didn't want him to be influenced by her emotional state. After swallowing hard, she turned around and met his eyes.

"Do you still love me, Chuck?"

It was his turn to be honest. "I do. I told myself that I didn't, but I have never stopped loving you, Sarah. Even if it took Morgan to make me realise that."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "If Morgan is the smart one in all of this, we are in serious trouble."

"Tell me about it." Chuck sighed. "I love you, Sarah. I'm sorry I made you doubt that. It was just so hard being around you and not being with you. What happened with Hannah...I never should have let it go that far. It wasn't fair to either of you."

Sarah suddenly felt exhausted. She sat down on the bed beside Chuck. "Don't apologise for that. I made the same mistake. We really do suck at this, don't we?"

Chuck gave her a wistful smile. "Yeah, but are you willing to try again?"

She nodded. "As many times as it takes. I love you, Chuck, and I don't want to deny it anymore. I can't."

Chuck tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "You don't have to," he answered before closing the last few inches between them. The kiss was slow, a gentle exploration of the feelings they just admitted to each other. Chuck pulled away first.

"Nothing and no one will ever come between us again, Sarah. I won't let it."

"You and me against the world?"

"Yeah," he smiled, "but maybe we should start a little smaller." He leaned over to retrieve something from the drawer of his night stand.

Sarah frowned. "What do you have there?" He handed her the object. "A signed copy of Neil Diamond's greatest hits? I don't get it." Was this another one of his auditory aphrodisiacs?

"Our hour is almost up and I figured if I'm going to bribe Casey to give us seven or eight more, it had to be something good. I can get him something different for Christmas."

Sarah smiled. How does he do that? With one small gesture, all the angst and tension from a few moments ago just seemed to disappear. She couldn't help but tease him a little.

"Wow, Chuck, what did you think was going to happen here tonight?"

Chuck just shrugged. Two can play that game. He leaned closer and whispered, "a little bit of this," giving her a chaste kiss on the lips, "and a little of this," he moved his lips over her jaw, "and definitely this." He kissed the same spot in her neck he did in Barstow and smiled when he felt Sarah respond immediately. Her breath hitched and she grabbed a handful of curls, keeping his head there. He kissed the spot again, causing her to shiver.

"You better get over to Casey's now," she whispered hoarsely as she released her hold, "and make it quick."

* * *

A/N Casey hates me right now. That was a lot of lady feelings. I know it has the same feeling as the first chapter of this fic, but given everything that happened in the show up to now as well as in my version of this episode, it was unavoidable. The elephant had to be slaughtered. I tried to cover all the plot holes – hope I didn't miss anything big. And don't ask me why Sarah send a text instead of just knocking on the window, she wouldn't tell me either.


	11. Chapter 11

**Episode 3x10 – The Monday version**

A/N This is not what happened.

It's Monday

It's blue

It's OOC

It's AU

Chuck is high (or low?) on Laudonol

Sarah lied under the influence of Pentothal

I still do not own Chuck

And this poem really does suck

So Chuck still feels nothing and Sarah ran into Jack Daniels at the airport and missed her flight.

* * *

Chuck was lying on his bed, arms folded behind his head. So this is what it's like. No emotions. Nada. Zip. It's bliss. In a weird sort of way. There was a loud crash outside.

"Casey! Can you take care of that?" What good were the bugs if they couldn't do the heavy lifting every once and a while. Oh right, Casey wasn't listening anymore. He was a civilian again. Stupid, ungrateful government. He dedicated twenty years of his life to the government. They took his family away from him twice and kicked him to the curb. The greater good blows.

Chuck heard the Morgan door open. "Casey, don't you ever use the front door?"

"It's not Casey. It's the pretty one," came an out of breath reply.

Chuck didn't lift his head. "The pretty one is on her way to the stallion."

"She changed her mind." Chuck felt the mattress dip. Sarah fell back onto the pillow, staring at the ceiling. He turned his head and studied her for a moment.

"You're drunk."

"You're a robot."

"Ouch." Chuck resumed his previous position.

"What? You don't feel a thing."

"I know, but I am going to remember this in the morning."

"Sorry."

"You don't slur. Do they teach that at the farm?"

"Yes. Right before how to withstand Pentothal."

"I knew you lied to me."

"I didn't. You asked the wrong question."

"What was the right question?"

"'Sarah...this thing...under the undercover thing...do you want it to go somewhere?'"

"Oh."

"That's it? Oh?"

"Your impression of me sucks. Besides, I don't wanna talk about my feelings."

"Still nothing?"

"Nope."

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"Do you think when I'm an agent I'll get a cool car like yours?"

"You can have any car you want. What do you want?"

"I like the NerdHerder."

"But it's red."

"What's wrong with red?"

"It's not really your colour."

"Says who? I love red. Owww! What the hell was that for?" Chuck rubbed his shoulder.

"You're a jerk."

"Why?"

"I burnt every red thing I owned."

"Again, why?"

"You hated my dress!"

"I didn't. Owww! Stop that! I still feel physical pain, you know."

"Good."

"Jeez, you're a mean drunk."

"Well, I guess you bring out the worst in me."

"And this is the part where you kiss me and tell me it was a mistake."

"I thought we weren't discussing feelings."

"Right. But you do own another red dress."

"I don't."

"You do. The prostitute one."

"The what?"

"The one you wore when I introduced you to Jill."

"Oh."

"That's it? Oh?"

"Did she hate it?"

"Not as much as you in your underwear."

"Yeah, that worked out better than I planned."

"You planned it?"

"I shouldn't have told you that."

"What about Lou? You had a hand in that too, didn't you?"

"Maybe."

"And here I thought it was the government that didn't want me to ever have sex again."

"Technically I am the government."

"Hiding behind your job again, agent Walker?"

"Don't call me that."

"Sorry sweetie."

"That's even worse."

"Why?"

"It was for the cover. It always sounded so...forced."

"What should I call you then?"

"Sarah."

"Okay, Sarah. Why aren't you in Washington?"

"Forget it. It's my turn to ask the questions."

"Says who?"

"The government. And that was a question."

"Sorry. What's your question?"

"Chuck!"

"Sorry. I meant shoot."

"Don't tempt me."

"Just ask already."

"Why brunettes? Lou, Jill, Hannah..."

"...Jenny."

"Jenny?"

"My turn. Why heroes?"

"You're deflecting."

"You taught me well. I get Bryce and Cole..."

"They kissed me first."

"What are you? Twelve? Owww! Aren't you sober yet?"

"No. Are you still a robot?"

"Speaking of robots...why Shaw?"

"Casey said he wasn't interested."

"Sarah, ewww!"

"Who's twelve now?"

"Who's deflecting now?"

"Hey Chuck?"

"Yeah?"

"How many times do I have to show you?"

"Show me what?"

"That I...you know...you."

"Until you believe it."

"So you know?"

"Yes. Hey Sarah?"

"What?"

"It's back."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Hey Sarah?"

"Stop that."

"You started it."

"I'm armed."

"You win."

"I always do."

"I you know you too."

"That was very articulate."

"Thank you."

"It's called sarcasm, schnook."

"I know. So what now?"

"You still owe me a kiss."

"Prague?"

"Yes."

"Morgan still owes me a condom."

"What?"

"Barstow."

"I'm gonna kill him."

* * *

A/N This is the part where you cover your face with your hands and yell "my eyes, my eyes!" If you were able to follow this, please seek help. But seriously, if I got at least one giggle somewhere, my job here is done. The real episode will be up this weekend. Have an awesome week everyone!

PS I'm rewriting Chapter 10 – it bugs me. There's something amiss with that Charah moment. Will let you know when it's up.


	12. Chapter 12

**Episode 3x10 **

_A/N Yay, it got better, well, a little. And once again – NO SHAW. I loved the interactions between the Sarah, Chuck and Casey. Plus some really funny moments. My colleague watched "The Mask" last night (that's where we are) and she enjoyed it! She thinks Shaw is great! I felt like throwing my stapler at her! And my chair! Aaargh! Now that that's out of my system, let's continue. There were a few Charah moments, let's see if there hope somewhere._

_BTW – I saw some stills from season 4 and I'm worried. At the rate they're going, Chuck will be bald by season 6 - LOL. I like the season 3 haircut._

_I don't own Chuck. Don't sue me. I will audit you. I still remember how. _

* * *

"Unfortunately your mission at the CIA facility was a day too late. The vault had already been compromised and a new drug called Laudanol was stolen. Military scientists were able to create a prototype pill that could suppress emotions in battlefield soldiers...make them stronger, faster...fearless."

"Wait a minute. No fear? Could that help me flash?"

Sarah was taken aback by Chuck's reaction. "Well, maybe, but then you won't feel anything, Chuck."

"Right. But I could work. Perfectly."

Sarah couldn't believe he would even consider that. Burying your emotions was one thing, but suppressing them completely? He wouldn't be Chuck anymore. Who was she kidding? She hardly recognised him now. Her Chuck was gone. Sarah's felt the all too familiar ache piercing her chest. _How is it possible to miss someone so much when he's sitting barely a foot away?_

* * *

"Sarah," Chuck motioned her over to the door, "I just flashed. Casey is being played. His old commanding officer is a guy named James Keller, high up in special ops. He's the guy who turned Casey's former sensei because now he's a member of the ring."

"What?"

"Casey doesn't know anything. We've gotta talk to him and tell him who this Keller-guy really is."

"We can't. Casey committed treason and he's still refusing to talk. They're moving him to a black site in Thailand, outside of US torture jurisdictions."

"When?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Okay, then we got to break him out before then and clear his name."

"If we do this...and if we get caught, we're gonna be tried for treason and you're gonna lose everything and you're never gonna get the chance to be a real spy." Sarah hesitated. She was scared to ask the question. "Is that what you want?" _This is it Chuck. Prove to me I haven't completely lost you to the spy life._

"It's Casey."

Sarah's heart lifted. "I was hoping you'd say that."

* * *

"Three years. Three years of missions, training...I'm his friend...how can all of that have been a lie?"

"I don't know. Some people change. You move forward as a spy and the line between what's right and wrong becomes more and more blurry. You don't know what to believe in...or who to believe in." Sarah watched Chuck as he went through the motions of preparing for the mission. The words were out before she could stop them. "I thought you had changed."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I know that you want to be the perfect spy...and I know what it means to you and...what you've sacrificed to get there..." _The life you wanted. The life I wanted. _"But please don't lose that guy that I've met three years ago." _Don't lose that guy I fell for._ "Don't give up on the things that make you great."

Chuck gave her a wistful smile. Sarah sighed inwardly as she handed him the gun. She hated this part. The roll she played in turning Chuck into a spy.

"I'll always be that guy." Chuck pushed the gun back towards her, brushing his fingers against hers for a brief second. Sarah's hand started to shake a little. She stood quietly for a moment and tried to compose herself.

Chuck fastened his backpack, thinking about what she said. "Sarah, I..."

"We should probably focus on the Laudanol." Sarah knew she was hiding behind her job again, but if they continued this conversation right now, she would fall apart. And she wasn't sure yet if she could believe in him again.

* * *

"Take the pill, Chuck."

"What pill?"

"You gave him the pill?"

"It's in your right pocket. Laudanol was developed to calm emotions, eliminate fear. Chuck, it can make you the intersect you were always supposed to be."

_But what about the guy he was supposed to be?_

* * *

Sarah's heart stopped when she took in the scene in front of her. The agent was struggling to breath and Chuck didn't let go.

"Chuck!"

She rushed forward.

"Chuck stop!" He turned his head to face her. His eyes were cold and lifeless. He still didn't let go. It scared her. He scared her. Realisation dawned slowly and he dropped the man to floor.

* * *

Sarah watched as Chuck led Casey out of Castle. It was the end of team Bartowski. She didn't have time to dwell on what that meant.

"I want to commend you, agent Walker, for your work with the intersect. He seems to need you less and less."

"Yes...uhm...Chuck has certainly changed and he is well on his way to becoming," she forced out the words, "the perfect spy."

"A while back you requested a transfer out of Burbank and I haven't forgotten. There's an empty seat on my flight back to DC if you'd still like to go. We could discuss it on the way. I leave in an hour, if you'd like to join me agent Walker."

Sarah swallowed hard, trying to dull the ache in her chest. Four hours ago they set off on a mission like so many times before over the past three years. Just the three of them, like old times. Now Casey was a civilian. Chuck proved he could function as an autonomous spy. She was offered a reassignment. It was over. She had sixty minutes to decide. Does she stay and allow the new Chuck to break her heart every day? Or be a spy, bury the pieces and go quell a revolution in Jakarta with a fork?

* * *

Chuck pulled the photo strip out of his pocket. "You know, you could still go back."

"The general made the terms of my dismissal...crystal clear."

Chuck tossed the pictures on the table in front of Casey. "I was talking about Kathleen. She lives right around here man and...uh...you got a daughter, Casey."

Casey turned around slowly. "You know I've made my decision between love and love of country a long time ago...and it was the right decision for me."

Chuck nodded.

"Now you have to make a decision whether that's the right one for you. Walker is a good woman. It's still not too late."

* * *

With her hand on the doorknob, Sarah turned around, taking everything in one last time. She closed her eyes as Chuck's words echoed off the walls.

"_I just wish I knew something real about you. Can't you just tell me...just one true thing?"_

"_Hey, it'll be okay. Trust me."_

"_I don't need to know more...not about who you were...because as much as you don't think so, I know who you are."_

_"You need to know that your father's sins are his, not yours."_

Sarah swallowed her tears as she closed the green door behind her.

"Hi." Sarah was startled. Chuck showing up here tonight was the last thing she expected. "I'm glad I caught you before you left."

"What are you doing here, Chuck?"

"I just wanted to tell you..." his eyes travelled to her suitcase "...that's a lot of luggage for a weekend." Sarah didn't say anything. She didn't have to. He met her gaze again, his eyes unreadable. He was doing that more often these days. "You're not coming back." It wasn't a question.

"No, Chuck," she answered softly. This was the one conversation she hoped she could avoid. She tried it twice before, telling him she was leaving, but both times she stayed. And the first time she wasn't ordered to do so. Quite the opposite actually.

"I see." He was quiet for a moment. "When does your plane leave?"

His question caught her off guard. "I have to be at the airport in an hour. I was supposed to fly with general Beckman, but..."

"So you weren't planning on saying goodbye. A year ago you at least afforded me that courtesy. I guess I never realised how much you've changed." Sarah felt her anger threatened to rise to the surface. He was turning this around on her? She opened her mouth to protest, but then Chuck extended his hand and all thoughts fled when he simply said "it was a pleasure working with you agent Walker."

Sarah didn't take his hand. She was too stunned to react. Chuck dropped his hand and shrugged. "And tell Shaw he's a lucky guy. He gets to be a spy and he gets the girl." With that he was gone.

Sarah didn't know how long she stared at the elevator doors after it closed behind him. A grunt behind her brought her back to the present. She nearly let out a frustrated groan. For three years she hardly had any visitors and tonight of all nights, it was like central station. She swallowed the lump in her throat before she turned around.

"Hi, Casey." He just grunted again. "I'm actually on my way..."

Casey nodded his head. "I can see that. DC, I assume?" He held out a package to her. "Give this to Beckman, if you don't mind."

Sarah frowned. "Casey, what is that?"

"The Laudanol I took from the safe."

Sarah narrowed her eyes. "I don't understand. I thought you gave it to Chuck?"

Casey motioned towards her newly vacated hotel room. "I think we should take this inside."

* * *

Sarah didn't know if she should hug, kiss or shoot John Casey. Right now she was leaning towards shooting. "You gave Chuck a decoy?"

"I needed him to be fearless. To believe he was. For Kathleen."

"But why not give him the real pill?"

"I didn't want to take the chance with Keller. In case it didn't play out like we planned..."

"That was not part of the plan, Casey. You didn't trust us." After everything they've been through, he pulled a stunt a like this?

"I did, Walker, but it wouldn't have worked if I told you. I just couldn't take the risk. When it comes to someone you...sometimes you have to do whatever it takes." Sarah could relate to that, but then she realised something. _If Chuck didn't take the Laudanol... _

"Casey, he almost killed someone. If he was...Chuck, it means that..." She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

"It was the intersect, Walker. Chuck just never accessed the ability before because he's Chuck. Look, Sarah, I don't think you understand his fear. The days when he was scared of the bad guys and ran screaming like a little girl from danger is over. Chuck knows that he can control his flashes now and get himself out of almost any situation. But he is afraid that the intersect will take over and that he will no longer be in control his actions. He tries to avoid that by selecting what he flashes on and what not. Today he overcame that fear and the intersect worked perfectly, but it also proved him right."

"So he's the perfect spy now? Whether he wants to be or not?"

"Hardly. He realises what he has done and whether he thinks it was because of the Laudanol or learns the truth, it doesn't matter. He knows what he's capable off when he suppresses his emotions and, if I know Bartowski, he's going to go right back into Chuck-mode and be selective about taking what he needs from the intersect."

Sarah sank down onto the bed. What Casey said made sense. She should have realised that. Chuck refused to let her train him in physical combat. He was scared that he could hurt her. And even though he was a good marksman, he never carried a real gun. Chuck preferred tranq pistols and nun chucks. "So you really think what happened today was a one-time thing?"

Casey grunted. "I'd bet my career on it. If I still had one." Sarah winced. She still couldn't believe Beckman did that. After everything Casey sacrificed for his country, he deserved better.

"Casey, I'm sorry..."

"Walker, don't," he cut her off. "What's done is done."

"I guess, but if there's ever anything I can do, please ask."

"Thanks," he gave her a slight nod and turned to leave. "Good luck in DC, Walker."

"Casey?" She really shouldn't be asking him, given everything she learned today about his past, but she had no one else to turn to. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

"I think you're asking a question you already know the answer to."

* * *

Chuck broke the seal on the bottle of Johnny Walker Black and filled the glass almost half way. He glanced at his watch again. Thirty minutes. If he left now, he would barely make it, but he still could. He picked up the glass and put it down again. He didn't tell her. Twenty-nine minutes. It probably wouldn't have made a difference, but now he'll never know. He pulled his phone closer. He squeezed his eyes shut. Ellie would kill him if she found out he did it that way. Twenty-eight minutes.

* * *

Sarah paused at the fountain and took a deep breath. It didn't help. Her heart was still beating a mile a minute. This was ridiculous. She was fine ten minutes ago when she let Beckman know she wanted to stay in Burbank. Right after she phoned Shaw to tell him it's over. She was about to take another step when Chuck's apartment door swung open.

The tall nerd slash spy sped past her. She spun around to call him back, but he just called over his shoulder, "hi Sarah...can't talk now...have to get to the airpo..." He stopped so abruptly she swore he burned an inch of rubber of his converses. Chuck turned around slowly. "You're not at the airport."

Sarah shook her head. With three long strides Chuck stood in front of her. "You're not at the airport."

"I think we've covered that part." She didn't think it was possible, but her heart rate went up a few notches. "Chuck..."

"Wait, I need to tell you something first...I...what I wanted to say back at your hotel...if I have to choose between love and love of country...as Casey put it...I choose love. I choose you."

"Chuck..."

"And if you want to try again...if there's the slightest possibility...I'll quit the CIA...I'll quit the Buymore...I'll quit Call of Duty...I'll be whoever you need me to be..." Sarah couldn't take it anymore. She clasped her hand over his mouth.

"You are who I need you to be. I'm sorry I didn't realise it sooner." She felt Chuck smile against her palm. It made her a little weak in the knees. It also gave her the courage to finally say it. "I chose you a long time ago."

Chuck moved her hand to the back of his neck and wrapped his free arm around her. "That's what you tried to tell me at Ellie's wedding." Sarah nodded. "And then I..."

"What's done is done," she interrupted. _Great, now I'm quoting John Casey._

"Does that mean I may kiss you now?" he asked as he slowly closed the distance between their lips.

Sarah met him halfway, whispering "it would be a good start."

* * *

[A/N I could stop here, but I made a promise in Chapter 10]

* * *

"Oh my god," Sarah moaned as she lay back against Chuck's chest. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, drawing small circles around her belly button with this finger.

"I told you this was a good idea." He placed a soft kiss against her temple.

"Mmm," was all she managed.

"Are you okay?" He sounded concerned.

"Absolutely perfect." It was. The hot water worked magic on her tired muscles.

"Yeah, you are." He moved his lips down her neck.

Sarah smacked his arm playfully. "You're a goof." She moaned again when he kissed the spot where her neck and shoulder met. He knew exactly how to disarm her. She placed her hand over his and held it firmly against her stomach. She snaked her other arm around his neck and tugged on his curls. Chuck got the message. His lips left her neck and captured her mouth in a lingering kiss.

When he pulled away Sarah opened her eyes slowly, locking gazes with him. Even in the dim glow of candlelight there was no mistaking what she saw. Amazement. Trust. Love. He held nothing back. She must have done the same, because a wide smile broke over his face. "I can stay like this forever," Chuck whispered.

Sarah smiled. "We'll turn all pruny. That can't be good for..." She moved her hips slightly and broke into a small laugh when Chuck turned bright red. "Seriously Chuck? We just...three times and now you're blushing?" Chuck opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again when couldn't think of anything to say. Sarah brushed a finger over his nose, leaving a trail of bubbles in its wake. He was so adorable. She laid her head back against his shoulder. "This would probably be a bad time to remind you that we have some surveillance footage to steal."

Chuck groaned. "At least Casey..." The mood turned a little sombre. "Sarah, we have to do something."

"We will," she assured him. "We're a team. No matter what Beckman says."

"What about Kathleen and Alex?"

Sarah sighed. "That's up to Casey. All we can do is throw lady feelings at him until he caves."

"Oh crap," Chuck just realised something. Sarah's head shot up.

"What is it?"

"You're going to expect some pretty heavy PDA now, aren't you?"

_

* * *

_

A/N Happy spring to those of you in the southern hemisphere. Summer's almost here!

_This was harder to write than I thought it would be. The mood changed quite a few times. Please give me feedback? Your reviews prompted me to write more in the past six weeks than I have in the last ten years! Thank you for being awesome. _

_There's one more episode to go in this series – please let me know what you would like to see happen. I will be killing Shaw. It will be brutal. And you'll never guess who's gonna do it. Episode 11 will not be a one-shot, too much need to happen. I'm planning on having it finished before season 4 starts. As for eps 12 and 13, I'm gonna stick with 'The ugly truth'. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Episode 3x11 – Part 1 **

_A/N Trying something new, let's see how it plays out. Ever wondered what Sarah wrote down during her assessment of Chuck? You're about to find out, sort of. And seeing that you know I will be killing Shaw, there will be AU. It wouldn't really be necessary for this story, but hey, let's kill him anyway. Evil grin._

_I loved the stakeout scene in this episode. And the naked spy. And Big Mike and Casey. BUT the ending sucked. For the love of furry kittens, what was Shaw's "are you still in love with him" comment about? How did he find out? She denied it to herself and others for three years, did she suddenly have the urge to tell her new boyfriend? And if he knew, why go after Sarah in the first place? Can you say plot hole? Anyway, let's get on with it. Oh, and even though I'm not really a big fan of song fics, random (please note – random) lyrics of the song "In my sleep" by Austin Leonard-Hartley and Kendall Jane Meade will pop up once or twice (because I just fell in love with that song in this episode). _

_I bought Chuck. The cheque for the first installment is in the mail. But NBC doesn't know this yet, so legally I can't claim it. [This means that I don't own Chuck, okay, not that I'm underestimating your intelligence, just covering my butt.]_

* * *

Hi, I'm Sarah and here are a few things you should know and some things I probably shouldn't tell you. But don't worry, I will edit this report before I hand it in to Shaw and Beckman.

Three years ago I was send to Burbank. The mission was simple. Get in, make contact with the mark, find the intersect, get out. The mark was a tall, lanky geek. Stanford drop-out. Worked at a Buymore. Pining for a girl that left him five years ago. A certain 'l' word would come to mind, if I was the type to label people. I'm not. What would I be called? Criminal. Con artist. Cold hearted bitch. Slut. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged. Okay, so maybe I labelled him a little. Nerd. And what nerd wouldn't fall for me, right? Piece of cake.

Only thing is, I fell first and I fell hard. And then things got really complicated.

It's 6:45 and I'm in Chuck's living room. I'm here to give him his assignment. His final mission before he's officially a spy. There's no question in my mind that he will succeed. His record of the past three years has been impeccable. Our record, really, but none of it would have been possible without Chuck. I guess it's a good thing he never stayed in the car. At least, good for the missions. It has always been bad for my stress levels.

I'm early, but I couldn't face another morning waking up next to Shaw. After the weekend in Washington I finally realised what a mistake that was. Shaw took me for dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. I prefer the Bamboo Dragon. He bought me diamond earrings at Tiffany's. I treasure my charm bracelet. I should probably give it back to Chuck at some point, but I can't. Not yet. We went for a couples massage. Romantic in theory, I suppose. And that was followed by the most disappointing and unsatisfying three and a half minutes of my life. I've had a perpetual head ache ever since. When he stops buying that, I'm prepared to fake a spastic colon.

I know you're wondering why I don't just dump him and be done with it. I will. Soon. But I've learned something about Daniel Shaw. He is driven by revenge. That's the reason he is going after the ring so passionately. They were responsible for killing his wife. Shaw may be considered a good spy, but no matter how well he hides it, he acts on emotion. If I leave him now, he may take it out on Chuck. Prevent him from becoming a spy. And being is spy is what Chuck really wants. I know first-hand what he sacrificed for that dream. I'm not saying I'm sleeping (and had sex once) with Shaw for the sake of Chuck's career, but I don't want Chuck's sacrifice to be for nothing. So I'll rather err on the side of caution. Stupid as it may seem.

I wish I could say Chuck and I will be together after all of this is over, but I doubt it. Beckman is going to send him to Rome. I'm going to Washington. With Shaw. But all that will mean is that we'll live in the same city and work on the same project. That's it. If Daniel Shaw ever touch me again after this, I'll shoot his little...after I break his fingers. Somehow I think that from now on that will go for any man who isn't...Oh, he's awake. Time to get this underway.

The beginning of the end.

The first thing Chuck did was drop his coffee mug. It only made me more nervous. We haven't spent any sort of alone time together for months. He said something about having a vivid dream. I assured him he was awake. I handed him his envelope with the mission details and explained to him how agents receive missions in the field. He made a quip about being surprised in the kitchen and it involving a lot of travel. I suppressed a grin. I told him to focus. He needed to focus if I were to hang onto the shreds of professionalism I still possessed.

Chuck removed the playback device from the envelope and enquired about my vigorous note taking. I explained to him that I was recording the experience for history. The briefing started. Chuck asked the recording a question. I patiently told him so. Then he looked for a rewind button. And was surprised when the device self destructed. He made a really funny comment about that. Great, I've been here ten minutes and he almost made me laugh three times. That's more than I have in the past year. Three times more. Did I mention Shaw has the sense of humor of dry wall? Focus Sarah. This is a mission.

Chuck understood his mission. Find the mole and take out Annatoli. He got a bit cocky with his 'done and done'. He enquired about the writing again, telling me it was like junior high. I caved and smiled. And he got a little laugh out of me when he asked if I recorded all the greatest hits. All the daring escapes, last second bomb diffusions and all the world class stake out mixes. He imitated a DJ.

Then I slipped.

"We've definitely been through a lot." How could I forget? I covered quickly. "I mean not just us. Casey as well." I better get out of here. His presence was unnerving. Taking a trip down memory lane was not going to do us any good. Too much has happened. But my escape was hindered.

"Hey, hey, uh, speaking, speaking of stake outs, you're going to be at the stake out tonight, right?" Damn, I almost made it to the door.

"Right. Shaw will quarterback from the Castle." Keep the focus on the mission. We should both focus on the mission.

"But, so this is like, uh, our last mission together. Seems like we should do something special." Trust Chuck to think of that. I don't want to do something special. I just want to get it over with. I don't want to remember this. Our last night together. But at the same time I want to treasure it. I think I should go see the CIA psychiatrist when I get back to DC. Or steal myself some Laudanol.

"Something special would be you completing your mission and becoming a spy, Chuck." Just keep it professional. You can do this. One more mission.

"Of course, of course. I'm just sayin'...last mission, kinda makes you think...old times...good times. Dangerous...but, but good." Keep it together Sarah. You knew this day was coming. You have no future together, remember? Chuck saw that a long time ago.

"Yeah, it does. I'll see you tonight."

"See you tonight."

_Someday, getting by my way  
I think I'll be okay, for a while  
I know you were never mine to keep  
But I know that I'll see you in my sleep_

_And I know I miss you, I'll always miss you  
And I know I'll see you in my sleep_

* * *

I was impressed. Chuck set everything up perfectly. All those years at the Buymore must finally be paying off too. Then he surprised me. He opened one of the equipment cases to reveal a stake out picnic. He poured the champagne, telling me that no one throws a stake out like Chuck Bartowski. I already knew that. No one did anything like Chuck Bartowski. I melted. We took our seats and he switched on his iPod. Private eyes from Daryl Hall and John Oates. Another reminder of our first stake out. Then he caught me totally off guard.

"You're gonna miss me in DC. You know that, right?" He had to ask?

"I know." I don't think he realized how much.

"So...uhm...so you and Shaw are you gonna be...living together? Is that it? Like, are you...uh...are you guys real serious or what?" We we're eating our sizzling shrimp, keeping our eyes on the hotel entrance. It made the conversation a little easier.

"Uh...I don't know. It's...different." Why can't I just tell him the truth? Damn it. I'm so used to pushing him away, not talking about how I really feel. Maybe if I...no, I'm not going to play the 'what if' game. After this mission, we were going our separate ways. The thought almost killed me. It has been all day.

"Different how?" Chuck was relentless. Why now, after all this time?

"Than with you." That was the truth. It slipped out.

"You know I'm...uh...I'm..." His phone rang. It was Shaw. Of course it was. He reminded us of our ear pieces. And to stay focused on the mission. What was Chuck trying to say?

The impromptu picnic was over. With our ear pieces and binoculars we surveyed the entrance of the hotel for the mark. Chuck didn't let up.

"What I...what I was gonna ask you a minute ago...what I was about to say anyway...was that I've been...uhm...I've been thinking about what it used to be like between us..." I tried to keep my binoculars steady. "...before Prague...and uh...thinking about what life would be like for us if we made different decisions back then...if I made a different decision back then." I hang onto my binoculars. Not that I could see a thing now. "Look, I know we couldn't be together before because I wasn't a real spy, but if I pass this test, then we wouldn't have to choose between the job and us." I tried to compose myself. "If I pass this test, we could be together." Chuck still wants me? "That is, of course, if you're willing to give it another shot."

He just put the ball in my court. If I want this, a life with Chuck, it was mine. All I had to do is say the word. I lowered my binoculars and looked at him. I didn't say anything. I was trying to get my heartbeat and breathing under control, but he got the message. I wanted this. I've always wanted this. Him. So when he moved in to kiss me, I didn't hesitate. It's been far too long. I met him half way. Almost. And then...fucking Shaw. Apparently we missed the mark.

I handed Chuck the surveillance glasses to go after Annatoli. Then I saw a different side of Chuck Bartowski. A fierce determination that made my heart skip a beat. "This isn't over." I'm not sure if he was referring to the conversation or the feelings we still had for each other. It didn't matter. He was right on both counts. If Chuck becomes a spy, we can be together. But just how together if he's in Italy and I'm in Washington? Will we ever catch a break?

_I've been hanging on  
Scraping by, all my life  
And I know you will be holding me, in my sleep_

_And I know I miss you, I'll always miss you  
And I know I'll see you in my sleep_

Please don't say it. I know the part I played in this whole mess. And that's something I'll regret for the rest of my life. I've been unsure of many things, made more mistakes than I care to admit, but this I know – I love Chuck Bartowski. Heart and soul. And from this moment, right now, I will do whatever it takes, fight whoever I need to, to make sure is happens. Our life. Our future. Our love.

_

* * *

_

A/N This was as much of the episode I could stomach for today. For now, I'm happy with this chapter, but please send me your comments so I can review it again tomorrow? My Sunday & Monday moods are very different, as you probably noticed from my Monday version of ep 10. To Balthazar497 who enquired about my soberness on that one, I should probably lie and say I was drunk (wink). Have a good week everyone!


	14. Chapter 14

**Episode 3x11 – Part 2**

_A/N Thank you for all the reviews. No ramblings today. I don't own Chuck._

* * *

Chuck passed his spy test. With flying…well, a flying towel. It wouldn't have been that bad, but then he decided to look for said towel, clearly forgetting that everything he saw, we saw. Shaw turned green. It could have been envy, it could have been nausea. I was too hot and bothered to care.

Shaw had to speak twice to get my attention. "Excuse me?"

"Chuck did well tonight." I didn't meet his eyes.

"Yeah, he did." I had to concentrate hard not to stumble over my words.

"Just think, this time tomorrow he could be a spy." Wait, what?

"But I thought…"

"The mission isn't over, Sarah. Ask him to meet you at Tracks tomorrow night. You can brief him on the final part of the mission then."

"What is the final part of the mission?" I had a bad feeling about this.

"That's not important now. I'll brief you tomorrow. It's late, let's go home." I almost winced. Think fast, Sarah.

"Why don't you go on ahead? I still have some paperwork to finish." Actually all the paperwork was done for a change. The things I wouldn't do to avoid him.

"It can wait until tomorrow. We haven't…" I know exactly where he was going with that.

"We need to focus on the final part of Chuck's mission tomorrow," I reminded him. Shaw wanted to protest, but I drew a file closer and ignored him. He sighed.

"Don't stay too late. See you later?" He sounded hopeful.

"Of course," I lied. When I was sure Shaw was gone, I retrieved my gym bag from the dojo and pulled out one of Chuck's t-shirts that 'went missing in the laundry'. I'm sleeping in Castle tonight. Alone. But I wasn't tired yet. There was too much on my mind. I was not in the mood for thinking either. What was there to think about? I've made my decision. I made myself comfortable on one of the chairs in the surveillance room and propped my legs up on the table. I switched on the monitor. Chuck and Morgan were playing duck hunt. Chuck got a perfect score. Morgan accused him of using the intersect. I smiled to myself. Surely Morgan should know by now that Chuck doesn't cheat. Morgan insisted on a rematch. Chuck just smiled as he took aim again. That's when it hit me. The final part of Chuck's mission. Shaw was going to give him his red test. Correction, Shaw was going to order me to give him his red test.

* * *

I wiped down the counter for the third time. Or was it the fourth? Chuck once told me that was how the Bartowski's dealt with stress. They cleaned. I was clearly not a Bartowski. I was worried. Very. The plan was not fool proof. It was immoral, unethical and illegal, but I was okay with that. So was Casey. And apparently Chuck would be too, seeing as he already committed a felony that, unbeknown to him, would help in the execution. (It was a thoughtful felony though, stealing a government issued firearm as a gift for Casey). But a lot could go wrong. And if the worst happened…I didn't even want to think about that. The bell over the door rang.

"Hey there, colleague. So tell me, when should I expect to receive my international spy union card, huh?"

"You did a great job last night, Chuck. Congratulations." I know I was acting a little distant, but it was necessary. It's the last time, I kept telling myself.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. Uh…so…tell me…and this is just between the two of us, just for the sake of conversation, but as far as these tests go…do other people do as well as I did or did I do like historically well?" I'm pretty sure Chuck's test will make history, only not for the reasons he had hoped.

"Uhm…listen Chuck, I was hoping that you would be free for dinner tonight?" I wish it was a real invitation. A real date. Not some means to an end.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. In fact, I was actually gonna ask you if you were free."

"So, how about Tracks? It's a restaurant down at Union Station."

"Uh…yeah. Sounds great. Nothing wets the whistle like the sound of a nice long horn." My immediate reaction was to smile, but I suppressed it. "Forget it, I'm very excited."

"Well, don't get too excited." He was going to be disappointed enough as it is once he realised what tonight was about. But I will make it up to him. Somehow.

"Let me finish. By excited, I mean cold as ice, because you know now I'm a real spy." Chuck mumbled the words out of the corner of his mouth to avoid any customers overhearing. I think we're going to have that don't-say-you're-a-spy-in-public conversation again. He gave me smile before he turned to leave with a "honk- honk", pretending to pull a train whistle. This time there was no hiding my smile, despite the knot in my stomach.

* * *

I was right. Chuck had to kill Perry. I didn't have to pretend to be shocked when Shaw told me. I spent the whole night praying I was wrong. I tried another tactic too, trying to convince Shaw that it would be sufficient for Chuck to bring Perry in. But Shaw was adamant. And I had to give the order. Tell Chuck to kill Perry. Chuck would do it if I told him to. I can't believe this bastard. He would use my feelings for Chuck like that? I know he had suspected for a while now that I was in love with Chuck and I wasn't very convincing when I denied it. And what about Shaw's supposed feelings for me? I'm trying really hard to remember why I gave into Shaw in the first place. Because I was lonely? Because Chuck seemed happy with Hannah? All I know is that I could never make a bigger mistake in my life if I tried. I almost lost Chuck over this. I just hoped that I wouldn't lose Chuck forever after tonight.

I told Shaw I couldn't do it. That I didn't want Chuck to be able to do it. I was selling it, but it was true. I could never order Chuck to kill. But for this plan to work, I had to. Of all the lies I ever told Chuck, this would be the worst one. But it will be the last one. Yeah, Walker, 'cause that makes it better.

Shaw said it wasn't about me. It wasn't. I didn't want to lose the good, innocent man I met three years ago, but more importantly I knew what it would do to Chuck if he did this. He would never feel like the same person again. It's been eight years and I still don't. That was the worst night of my life.

* * *

Chuck was right on time. He looked quite dashing in his new suit. Minus a tie. I hated the way he tied them. His ties were always so perfect. I rarely had the opportunity to straighten them for him, just so I could get a chance to run my hand over his chest. Stupid to think about that now, I know, but I had no idea how I was going to get through this.

Always the gentlemen, he complimented me. Ellie raised him well. Then he was babbling about coming on too strong the previous night. I disagreed, of course, but I couldn't voice it. So I decided to press on. I handed him the blue envelope with Perry's photo. I had to take a calming breath before pushing the napkin with the gun towards him. Chuck was taken aback. He wanted to know if we were sure about this guy. I confirmed it. Then he looked straight at me. I expected the uncertainty I read in his eyes, and the disappointment, but I wasn't prepared for the betrayal. Chuck thought I had betrayed him. It was too much. I couldn't do this. I can't lie to him anymore.

His hand was still on the napkin covered gun. I placed mine on top of his and leaned forward. "Do you trust me?" Chuck was conflicted and it hurt a little. He always had blind faith in me, even when I didn't deserve it, but this time I was going to have to earn his trust. "I've got this covered."

He gave me a puzzled look. "What are you talking about?" There wasn't time to fill him in on the whole plan. Perry was going to show up at any moment.

"You need to get Perry out of the restaurant. I'll be waiting outside. Take him to the tracks and I will take care of the rest."

Chuck's eyes widened. "No. You can't do that. You can't risk your career for me, Sarah. Not for this. It's not your job to protect me anymore." This is why I didn't want to tell him beforehand. He could be so stubborn sometimes. Didn't he know by now that I would risk everything for him?

"It was never a job, Chuck. You were always more to me than just..." I realised what I was saying. This was not the time. I couldn't afford for Chuck to be distracted. "Just do as I say and trust me." I saw Perry on the other side of the station. It was time. "Please," I almost begged as I got up to leave.

I took a seat on one of the train benches outside the restaurant. I had a view of Perry's face. He was nervous. I didn't like it. It made things unpredictable. He got up and went to the men's room. My heart stopped when Chuck followed him. That was definitely not part of the plan. I couldn't just go in guns blazing. It was a public place and a men's room. Before I could decide what to do, Perry came walking out of the restaurant with Chuck following close behind, his gun pointing discreetly at Perry's back. I could breathe again.

But then everything went to hell.

Perry started running, pushing a bystander into Chuck to slow him down. It didn't work and Chuck took off after him. I tried to keep up, but they were too quick. At least they were heading for the tracks, but I didn't have time to warn Casey. Damn it. I couldn't catch up. By the time I made it outside, I've lost them. With my gun drawn, I started running blindly between the stationery trains. It was a stupid move, really stupid. There were two armed agents and an armed civil out here. I could get myself killed, but it didn't matter. I had to get to Chuck.

I stopped in my tracks when I heard a shot. The bullet ricocheted off a train wagon. Chuck must have fired a warning shot. I made my way towards the sound. Then I heard the second shot. Moments later I saw them. Perry was on the ground. He wasn't moving. Chuck was standing over him, aiming his gun at him. And I didn't see Casey. I was breathing hard and not just from running. I tried to wrap my head around what had just happened. Shaw's voice came over my ear wig.

"What happened?"

"Chuck's a spy," I responded into my watch. It was all I could think of to say.

I jumped when someone touched my shoulder. It was Casey. I raised my eyebrows in question and he just nodded. That was all I needed. It was over. Chuck was a spy. And he was still Chuck. He was still my Chuck. "Casey, I don't know how to thank you. What you did tonight..."

"The kid's not like us, Walker. I did what I had to." He turned and walked away. He may try to hide it, but I was on to John Casey. He had lady feelings too.

* * *

There was no time to talk to Chuck after everything went down. The cleaners showed up and Chuck was told to go home. I went back to Castle. Shaw and I had to debrief Beckman. I just hoped Beckman made it quick. I wanted to see Chuck before the agent showed up to take him to Washington.

I found Shaw in the surveillance room with a smug grin on his face. "Nicely done, darling. I knew I could count on you." He winked at me. That did it. All the stress of the past twenty four hours and the anger at him for asking me to do this, to give Chuck his red test, came rushing to the surface. Along with three year's worth of pent-up frustration I had to bury far too deep for far too long. I packed it all into that punch. Daniel Shaw went flying across the room, blood spurting from his nose and the cut on his lip.

"Fuck you, Shaw!" I didn't notice that Beckman came on screen in the middle of my outburst.

"Agent Walker!" She was waiting for me to explain. I didn't. I turned around and walked away, resisting the urge to flip her the bird. I needed this job. If Chuck was going to be a spy, I was going to be a spy. But I'll deal with the fallout tomorrow. Tonight I had somewhere else to be.

* * *

I didn't bother to knock. Chuck never locked his door. I always told him to, but it was the stay-in-the-car routine all over again. He jumped up from the coach, surprised to see me. I didn't say anything. I simply took him by the hand and practically dragged him to the bathroom. It was the only room with no surveillance. I was feeling so many things all at once, my body was shaking. When we reached our destination I turned to him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he answered, "thanks to you and Casey. I can't believe you did that."

"I didn't do much. It was all Casey." That wasn't a lie.

Chuck shook his head. "You set it up. Casey told me."

"Casey was my backup, Chuck. I was supposed to shoot Perry. Casey is a civilian and technically what he did was murder. He was willing to do it, but it wasn't supposed to play out that way. I didn't get to you in time."

Chuck took my hands in his and gave it a little squeeze. He was about to say something, but then he noticed my injured hand. "Sarah, what happened?"

I tried to play it off. "Shaw's face walked into it. It's not as bad as it looks." It was throbbing actually.

Chuck turned me towards the basin and opened the tap. When he stuck my hand under the cold water I impulsively tried to pull it back. It hurt. He gently held it there and put his other arm around my shoulder, giving me a comforting hug. "It'll be okay in a minute." For a while we didn't speak. Chuck broke the silence.

"Sarah, if I...if I was the one who shot Perry tonight, would you look at me differently?" His eyes met mine in the mirror.

The question was easier to answer than I expected. "No, Chuck." In a perfect world I wouldn't want Chuck to kill, but we are spies. It was inevitable. All I could do was to protect him for as long as I can and then accept the outcome when I failed.

"Then why did you do it? I mean, why didn't you just let me..."

"Because I don't want you to look at yourself differently." He pulled me a little closer and shut off the water. He took a towel and gently wrapped it around my hand.

"You know I feel the same way, right?"

I nodded. "I know. But it's the life we've chosen." That reminded me of what I came here to tell Chuck. "Chuck, I need you to do something for me."

"Anything." My heart fluttered a little. It seemed his blind faith in me has been restored. I won't let him down this time.

"Beckman is sending an agent here tonight to escort you to Washington. You'll meet with her tomorrow. She will officially assign you to Rome and expect you to leave right away." Chuck looked a little panicked, but I had a plan. At least this one didn't involve guns.

"Don't worry," I tried to assure him. "When she gives you your assignment, just be Chuck. Tell her that you're not sure about this whole thing. She won't do anything drastic, she wants you to be a spy. The agency has invested a lot of resources to make it happen. She will probably offer you some time off. A vacation courtesy of the CIA. You take it. And then you get on a plane and you come straight back to Burbank. To me." Chuck smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. "I have a few loose ends to tie up here and we need to decide how we are going to deal with the Rome-Washington situation."

"What did you have in mind?" I was still working on that. After what just happened at Castle, I doubt Beckman was in the mood to do me any favours. I decided to divert a little. The agent could arrive any minute.

Placing my uninjured hand on the back of Chuck's neck, I reached up. "We were interrupted last night." Chuck smiled as he met me halfway. Almost. There was a knock on the front door.

I was about to let out a frustrated groan when I felt Chuck's hand on the back of my head, keeping me in place as his lips captured mine. I was expecting something slow and tender, but he had other ideas. I grabbed a fist full of curls when he angled his head to deepen this kiss. I gasped when he ran his tongue over my bottom lip. Mine met his in a battle neither of us had the intention to lose. But I gave up first, thrusting my tongue into his mouth. I wanted to taste more of him.

The knock grew louder and Chuck pulled away reluctantly. I struggled to get my breathing under control. Taking his hand again, we walked out to the living room. Chuck turned to me and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I'm gonna miss you."

I let out a breathless laugh. "You'll be back tomorrow night." I had faith in him too.

"I know," he gave me a quick kiss, "but I'll still miss you."

"I'll miss you more," I replied and ushered him out the door.

_

* * *

_

A/N I realise Chuck gave the gun to Casey only after Sarah asked him to dinner, for this we'll assume it happened the other way around. It is my episode after all. This isn't over. The next chapter is going to be painful (if your name is Daniel Shaw). There's gonna be some spy-couple action (not that kind, blush, okay maybe), a little drama and a lot of fun. See you this weekend for the next instalment.


	15. Chapter 15

**Episode 3x11 – Part 3**

_A/N I suppose you could look at the next few chapters as my version of episode 12, had my episode 11 happened. I don't own Chuck._

* * *

I woke up in a cocoon of Chuck. Or rather, a cocoon that smelled like Chuck. After seeing him off last night, I decided to stay. I pressed my nose into the pillow clutched against my chest. Prying one eye open I searched for the digits on the alarm clock. Fifteen minutes before I have to get up. Twenty five if I go for the ponytail look today. Thirty if I push the Porsche a little harder. I closed my eye again and groaned. Mornings are brutal.

I didn't go back to sleep. Instead I just let my mind wander. I was scared that the past year had changed Chuck. I was both right and wrong. He was still the same Chuck, but he was also...more. He finally realised what I've known all along. He was that guy. The awkward nerd I fell for when he offered to be my very own baggage handler. The funny and charming guy who could lift my mood with a simple smile. He was the warm and caring guy who noticed that I didn't like olives and loved extra pickles. He was the passionate guy who stole my breath away last night. He was a strong and reliable man I could count on. Chuck Bartowski was the man I wanted to surrender to.

The alarm went off and I hit the snooze button. I was about to roll over onto my stomach when I heard the bedroom door open. My heart started to flutter as my brain wasn't alert enough yet to realise that it couldn't be Chuck.

"Well this is a surprise." Nope, it wasn't Chuck and apparently it wasn't pleasantly surprised.

Pulling myself up into a sitting position (because I realised I was going to need some sort of leverage), I slowly opened my eyes. "Good morning, Ellie."

Ellie had a laundry basket propped up against her hip. She just looked at me before putting it down on Chuck's side of the bed. "Do you make a habit of committing B and E to sleep in your ex-boyfriends' beds when they're out of town?" She asked as she turned to put away the clean laundry. Seems I'm dealing with scowling Ellie today.

"I didn't break and enter." That was not the response I was going for. I needed caffeine. Ellie just raised an eyebrow. Okay, let's try this again. "Chuck is not my ex-boyfriend."

"So you guys are back together?" I really didn't want to have this conversation without Chuck present.

"We're working on it," I tried to evade the question.

"And it's complicated," Ellie deadpanned. I should have expected that to come up. That word is probably gonna come back to bite me in the butt until my dying day.

Ellie and I always had a bit of a strange relationship even though she wasn't aware of that. She was probably the closest I have to a friend apart from Carina. Chuck wasn't the only Bartowski I had trouble with keeping it strictly a cover. But the past few months we barely spoke apart from her trying to convince me for a while that I still had feelings for Chuck. That's what Ellie did. She interfered. Mostly I didn't mind it so much, but I haven't forgotten about the time she told Chuck to break up with me. It was justified at the time, I suppose, but it still stung. Both for Ellie to think it would be for the best and for Chuck to actually do it. But things are different now. Chuck and I are together for real and I need to patch things up with Ellie. I don't want him to ever feel like he should chose between us.

"Do you have time for coffee?" I was stalling a little, but I really needed coffee.

Ellie closed the drawer after putting Chuck's socks away and turned back to me. "My shift doesn't start for another hour."

We were on our second cup, but so far no one said anything. Normal for me, uncharacteristic for Ellie. I was waiting for an opening, she was refusing to give me one. I took a deep breath and put my mug down on the coffee table. Here goes.

"Ellie, look, I...it's different this time."

"Why?" It was an easy question to answer, if I could tell Ellie the truth. There was another way to respond, but I had trouble saying the word. And I think that if I was going to muster up the courage to actually voice it, it should be to Chuck first.

"It was a mistake to break up. One we don't intend to make again."

"I would hope not. Chuck-post-Jill was bad. You know what he was like when you met him. But at least he made an attempt at having a life, even if it was just working at the Buymore and playing video games with Morgan. After you...when he came back from Europe, he spent weeks on the coach in his robe eating cheese balls and growing a beard. If you leave him again..."

"He left me, Ellie," I didn't want the conversation to go there, but I just couldn't keep it in anymore. "Chuck left me and it was difficult for me to forgive and trust him again." There, how's that for the truth. "Like I said, we both made mistakes."

Ellie was taken aback. "Sarah, I'm sorry, I didn't know..." I didn't want sympathy or an apology. I just wanted her to understand that I wasn't going to hurt her brother again.

"Ellie, it's okay. I got over it. It may have taken me a little long, but I did. From now on I want to concentrate on the future."

"Does that mean you guys are talking marriage?" Oh crap, I've unleashed squealing Ellie. At least I could breathe easier. She was back on our side.

I held up my hands in surrender. "Hang on, it's only been a couple of days..."

"It's been three years. Any girl who can forgive a guy for murdering her soufflé...c'mon, don't tell me the thought never crossed your mind." Ellie was relentless. She was Ellie.

"Fine," I conceded, "it has, but Chuck and I haven't talked about it yet." I was still trying to figure out what to do about Rome. Marriage would make things easier, but I'm not going to marry Chuck for the sake of the job. As far as our personal lives are concerned, we are done being puppets for the government.

"Okay, I get the message. I'll back off. For now. But can I ask one more question?" I braced myself. Ellie just went into big sister mode. "Are you planning on serving frozen yogurt for the rest of your life?"

* * *

After convincing Ellie that I'll reconsider my career choice, she left for her shift and I got ready for a 'difficult day at the office'. It was time to face Shaw and Beckman.

Shaw was sitting at the table reading a report. Judging from the bandage and the black circles under his eyes, I broke his nose. It looked rather painful. Good. My hand felt a little tender, but thanks to Chuck's TLC last night, it should be fine in no time. Before either of us had time to say anything, Beckman appeared on screen. I never thought I'd be happy to see her. Said happiness didn't last long.

"Do you have an explanation for your behaviour of last night, agent Walker?" Her tone threatened to cause the next ice age. Shaw sat back, folded his arms and waited for her to lay into me. Pathetic asshole.

"I broke up with agent Shaw, general." By the look on their faces they were not expecting that. General Beckman recovered first.

"You allowed your personal life to interfere with your professional one?" She looked from me to Shaw. "Care to explain why."

"Agent Walker didn't like an order I gave her. She took it personally," Shaw spoke first, rubbing it in. My knuckles were starting to itch again.

"What order would that be?" The general didn't know? Well this should be interesting.

I cut Shaw off. "He ordered me to give Chuck his red test, general. Agent Shaw used Chuck's feelings for me to manipulate him into killing someone." God, we sounded like second graders in the principal's office. Beckman removed her glasses and pinched her nose between her thumb and forefinger like she was fighting off a headache. That can't be good.

"This is exactly why the agency discourages personal relationships between agents." I didn't like the sound of that. "It's clear to me that this team is dysfunctional and it's time I grabbed in. Agent Shaw, let me make it clear that I do not agree with your methods, but I have no grounds for taking action. You will, however return to Washington tomorrow and head up the effort to capture the Ring director and put an end to their organisation. Any further interaction with the intersect team will go through me. Is that clear?"

"Yes, general."

"Good. Now please give me and agent Walker a moment." I didn't miss his smirk when he turned and left.

"Agent Walker, to be honest, I have no idea what to do with you." I felt the knot in my stomach start to tighten. This can't be good. "I should reassign you as far away from here as possible."

"General..." I haven't come this far to be reassigned. I'd quit first. Or go rogue and protect Chuck in Rome on my terms.

"Let me finish. Off the record, I find agent Shaw's actions despicable and I will be watching him very closely. I also have a feeling there was more to what went down last night than what will be in the report. I don't want to know. Understood?"

"Yes, general." I was surprised by her reaction, but I'm not going to question it.

"Good. Back to business. Should I have any reason to believe agent Bartowski will not choose you as a part of his team leaving for Rome next week?"

"Chuck gets to choose a team?" That definitely lifted my mood.

"We have changed the mission perimeters. I'm assuming he'll make a case for mister Grimes and Co...Casey. That leaves one spot open. Would Chuck want you on his team?"

"Yes, general," I tried very hard not to smile. The team was back together. With Morgan, but I'll chose him ten times over Shaw. The little bearded fellow might surprise us all. Chuck certainly had.

"Well then, we'll consider this matter settled. Chuck will officially notify me of his team tomorrow. Thereafter he's on a weeklong vacation before the mission starts. I suggest you take some time off too, considering you haven't had a break in nearly three years. Mister Grimes and Colonel Casey can wrap things up here."

"Thank you, general." I didn't know what else to say, though the word 'awesome' came to mind.

"Use the time to resolve things with Chuck. Prove to me I wasn't wrong in considering your personal relationship an asset to this team." The screen went black. I guess the general wasn't so bad when she forgot to insert her stick in the morning.

* * *

I had one more mission. Shopping. It's time I show Chuck that I am a real girl. My cooking skills may not be an exact match to Ellie's, but she did like my pepperoni chicken. I considered making a chocolate soufflé for dessert, but that can wait for another time. For tonight I'm getting something blue and sexy. Hopefully with little buttons. That reminded me. Morgan had to be taken care off. I decided to give Casey a call and give him the good news about his reinstatement. And ask him to keep Morgan occupied. They had a little bonding to do anyway.

I discovered that I forgot my cell phone at Castle. I made a rather dangerous u-turn, smiling at another motorist who gave me a few choice hand signals. I was in too good a mood to let anyone get to me.

Phone in hand I made my way back to the Porsche. I was too busy thinking about dinner to notice the van pulling up beside me. A bag was pulled over my head and two strong arms grabbed me. I tried to struggle free but it was useless. I was shoved into the van and felt a prick in my neck. Instinctively I pressed the distress button on my phone before the world went dark.

_

* * *

_

A/N Don't hate me, the next chapter is imminent. I've been working on both simultaneously. On the last three actually. And remember, more reviews make for a more motivated writer haha.


	16. Chapter 16

**Episode 3x11 – Part 4**

_A/N I know you've been waiting for this. Enjoy. I don't own Chuck._

* * *

I had no idea how much time had passed when I came to. My hands were tied above my head and feet barely touched the floor. Man, if I had a nickel...

I slowly opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. The usual – abandoned warehouse, four burly guys, big guns – everything straight out of the bad guy handbook. Across from me Shaw was suspended from his ankles with his hands tied behind his back. Judging by the colour of his face, all the blood rushed to his head. All the blood he had left, that is. There were several bleeding wounds in his thighs. Next to him lay a screw driver and a blow torch. You didn't have to experience a hot screwdriver driven into your tender flesh to know it was excruciating. I should feel sorry for him I suppose. Right now I had another concern.

I know I send out a distress signal and that went to two people. Shaw and Chuck. He should have landed by now and was probably on his way here. I pushed my fear down and tried to think rationally. Chuck is a spy. He will do the smart thing and bring back-up. He wouldn't just rush in here, would he? I hope not. He'll get us both killed. And we can't die. Not today.

I heard the stiletto's before I saw the woman enter. I paled. It wasn't possible.

"Welcome back, agent Walker." It was the first time I heard her voice. It sent chills down my spine. "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Evelyn Shaw." A thousand things went through my mind...a street name in Paris...three bullets to the chest...Shaw's wife...my red test...I killed Shaw's wife...but she's not dead...

"I see you remember me. Imagine my surprise when we intercepted Daniel and ran into you."

"What do you want?" My throat was dry and I croaked the words out.

"Just Daniel, really. Like I said, capturing you was a bonus. But you know what, I'm feeling a little generous. The least I can do is let you know the truth before I kill you."

"What truth?" I can understand why she would want to kill me, but why torture her husband?

"Daniel tells it better." She motioned to one of the goons closest to Shaw. He pulled a wet canvas bag from the bucket next to him and tied it around Shaw's head. His body jerked awake. Then he started taking quick shallow breaths due to the lack of oxygen in the bag. "Enough," Evelyn ordered and the henchman cut a hole in the bag to allow Shaw to breathe again. After a few deep breaths Evelyn ordered him to talk. He put a canary to shame.

I was wrong about Shaw. He wasn't driven by revenge. It was ambition. Daniel Shaw worked for the ring from day one. He arranged my red test. He set me up to kill his wife. He used this 'history' to become the ring expert for the CIA. It allowed him access to all the intel the agency had and he used it to ensure the ring always stayed a step ahead. His position allowed him to work himself up through the ranks of the ring, hoping to take over as director one day. He sacrificed his wife to further his career. But a little bad luck was on his side. Evelyn was found in time and the doctors managed to pull her through. She recovered in a private clinic in Zurich and went off grid, waiting for the right time to strike.

And she chose today of all days. I was having a little bad luck myself. Where was Chuck?

Shaw's career hit a snag three years ago when Bryce sent the intersect to Chuck. The ring wanted to destroy it, but Bryce got there first. They didn't figure out Chuck was the intersect until his training in Prague after he uploaded 2.0. Shaw was going through the files of the agents in training to identify possible ring recruits when he came across Chuck's. His profile didn't match what the agency usually looked for and Shaw put the pieces together. Shaw realised that to get to the intersect he had to break up the team. His first real break came when Hannah arrived on the scene. Shaw took advantage of my vulnerability and made his move. I can't believe I fell for it. Casey was onto Shaw, so he called in a favour. Casey's former sensei led him to James Keller, who was willing to set him up to commit treason. It worked, sort of, and Casey was kicked out of the NSA. But Shaw knew I still had feelings for Chuck. He figured if I gave Chuck his red test, he would perform it and I would hate him for it. As it turned out, Shaw didn't know me as well as he thought he did.

Daniel Shaw played all of us. Me twice.

Shaw's account riled Evelyn up again. He took quite a beating from two of her henchmen. Once his body went limp, she ordered them to dump him. They didn't take him very far, as they were back a few minutes later.

It was my turn and still no Chuck. I hoped he was okay. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down. You're not supposed to let the enemy see you cry. It didn't help. Today was going to be the start of our future. I can't believe it's going to end before...

"Hi, honey." Chuck strolled through the doors like he owned the place. He was still dressed in his suit. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. He didn't bring any back-up that I could see and he gave away the nature of our relationship. Evelyn will use that against us. But it was so good to see him and as the damage was already done, I couldn't help myself.

"Hi, sweetheart. How was Washington?" Maybe I could buy us a little time for...well something.

"It was great. You will never guess what happened." Chuck winked at me and I got it. He had a plan.

"Actually I already know." I winked right back.

"Will you two stop that?" Evelyn looked from Chuck to me and back to him, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Sorry," Chuck shrugged, "I was just greeting my girlfriend." I liked the sound of that, despite the circumstances. "Charles Carmichael." He actually held a hand out to her. Evelyn ignored it and aimed her gun at him. As did her four brutes. My heart stopped. Chuck went quiet. He flashed. Flashing was good, but the gunmen were too far apart to take on in hand to hand combat without getting shot. And even if he tried shooting, Evelyn and two others was standing in front of him and two behind.

I was still trying to figure out how Chuck could take them out without getting hurt or worse, when he raised his hands and apparently decided to reason with her. "Look lady, this is how I see it. There are five you, four with really, really big guns and only two of us. Not to mention that Sarah is a little tied up at the moment. We are clearly outnumbered."

"What's your point?"

"I don't have a point per se, it's more of a request."

Evelyn's eyes narrowed. "What kind of request?"

"May I kiss Sarah before you go ahead and...uhm...do your business?" That was his plan? Why didn't he bring back-up? Some stealth bombers. Maybe even a tank.

"You're kidding right?"

"No." Chuck sighed. "Look lady..."

"Evelyn." I couldn't tell if she was annoyed or amused.

"Evelyn, the thing is...Sarah and I...it took us three years to figure things out, as a matter of fact, we only managed to do so last night...and now you're probably gonna kill us...which really isn't fair...I mean...even Romeo and Juliet got a better deal..." Chuck was babbling, but he managed to convince her. She decided Chuck wasn't a threat. Right now I was having some of the same thoughts myself.

Evelyn waived the gun between us. "Okay, but don't try anything. We're watching. You have three minutes, then it's back to business."

"PDA," Chuck mumbled, but I caught it. Well he did ask for it. He turned to me and I tried to read him. What's the plan?

Chuck didn't hesitate. With his hands on my hips he bent down and kissed me. It was a mere brush of lips. His hands ran down my sides and he grabbed my thighs, pulling me up against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, almost sighing in relief as the pressure was taken of my arms. Instead I kissed him back harder and he responded in kind. He pushed my thighs tighter against his waist and I felt it. Two guns, the handle of the one on his left side pointed towards me. I gave him a quick squeeze, letting him know I got it. Then his right hand travelled back up my body and arm, circling my wrist. He pulled his head back slightly, breaking contact with my mouth. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the gunmen getting a little flustered. They weren't the only ones, but I tried really hard to concentrate. I felt the grip of the handcuffs loosen. It was a little disturbing that he could pick the lock while kissing me, but I must admit, I was impressed. Chuck gave me another quick kiss before resting his forehead against mine. I gave him a small nod. Let's do this.

Pulling my wrists out of the cuffs, I grabbed Chuck's shoulder with my left hand and the gun with my right. I leaned back a little to ensure that we kept our balance. Chuck's hand against my back kept me steady. I was relieved to feel that he was wearing a vest. He splayed his fingers to try and cover as much of my back as possible. I know what he was doing. He was trying to protect me and even though it wouldn't do much good against a bullet, the gesture was very sweet. It was very Chuck.

Taking aim, I took out two agents. Chuck drew his tranq pistol at the same time, taking down the two he was facing. They were still recovering from the little show we just put on and their reaction time was slow. I trained my gun on Evelyn Shaw.

And froze.

Chuck sensed my hesitation and spun us around. I heard her body hit the cement. I turned my head and saw two tranq darts sticking out of her neck. I loosened my grip around Chuck's waist and he gently lowered me to the ground. When I tried to look back at Evelyn again, Chuck placed his hand on the side of my face and prevented me. Our eyes locked and he simply said, "she's your Perry."

My eyes widened. "You flashed on my red test?"

"Yeah. Are you okay?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my head against his shoulder. "I am now. Thank you for saving me."

"Anytime," he replied and pulled me closer. I was back where I belonged.

**

* * *

**

Meanwhile, outside the warehouse:

Daniel Shaw opened his eyes slowly. His body felt like it had been ripped apart. Both his legs were broken, as was his right shoulder. His kneecaps were pulverised. His thighs were on fire. One of his ribs stuck through the skin on his right side. He tested his left arm. It seemed to be somewhat intact. Raising it, he grabbed onto the edge of the dumpster, pulling himself painfully over. He landed face first in the dirt, crying in pain as he aggravated his broken nose and ribs. He took a few breaths and started pulling himself along the gravel with his good arm. After what seemed like an agonising eternity, he reached the road. He stopped to take a laboured breath. Then he saw the headlights of an approaching van. _Thank heavens, _he thought, _help._

* * *

John Casey was beyond annoyed. Chuck went after Sarah and Shaw himself. Morgan, aka agent of the CIA and assistant to one Charles Irving Bartowski, did the right thing for once and told him what Chuck was planning. Seeing as Casey was a civilian, he no longer had access to Colonel Saunders and his team and had to put together a rather unusual ensemble to try and rescue his former partners. Or at least two of them. Looking at the men around him, he didn't know if he should kill them or just jump out of the moving van. Jeff and Lester were rehearsing 'Beautiful noise' in the front seats and ruining Neil for him. Morgan hasn't stop talking once since they left the Buymore.

"...I totally get Chuck's theory on mayonnaise and tropical climates, but what sandwich is complete without mayo...and you've got to have pickles...it just adds that extra...tang...especially with mustard...and you can't have mustard without roast beef...or ham...ham could work...but then the pickles would probably taste funny...so no pickles, but then the mayo would mix with the mustard...and you should have cheese...yeah, cheese would be great...if you're not having the mustard...which means you should probably reconsider the roast beef altogether..." Morgan stopped abruptly when they hit something in the road. "What was that?"

"Probably an animal," Casey deadpanned, thankful for the reprieve.

"Lester, stop!" Morgan yelled. Lester slammed on the brakes, nearly causing Jeff to fly through the front window.

"Why?" he asked confused.

"You just hit an animal, dude. We need to go back and make sure it's okay." Morgan thought it would be obvious. Casey just grunted. They had more pressing matters than performing CPR on a half-dead dear.

"Lester, hit reverse," he ordered. He did as he was told and backed over the bump in the road.

"Casey!" Morgan was distressed. "Why did you make him do that?"

"To put it out of its misery, moron."

"But Casey," Morgan whined, "we can't be sure that it's dead dead. It could still be suffering. That's just cruel."

Casey rolled his eyes. "Three more times Lester." Lester complied, putting the van in first, running over the obstruction again. Then in reverse and again in first.

"There," Casey grunted, "it feels pretty flat now." He pointed to the warehouse on his left. "Park there."

They were about to disembark the van when Morgan pointed towards the front of the building. "Would you look at that." Chuck and Sarah strolled out of the warehouse towards them. They were practically wrapped around each other.

"Yeah," Jeff drawled half-dreamily, half-drunk, "Chuck got his Sarah back."

Casey just grunted in feigned disgust.

_

* * *

_

A/N Okay, so the action scene would probably would not have worked, but wouldn't it be awesome if it did? Anyway, Shaw is dead, send me your cheers please. It is a little disturbing that I am familiar with some torture procedures...and the fact that I find it easy to write Morgan. That's a ham and cheese sandwich by the way, if you don't mind the mayo...

_Now, who's up for a chapter of nothing but the mother of Charah fluff? It will be the last one for this episode and the fic. Thank you for reading. _


	17. Chapter 17

**Episode 3x11 – Part 5**

_A/N My laptop needs a nerd, it keeps dying on me. And so we come to the end of this, which is great actually, because it means we are counting down the hours to season 4!_

_So here's some major fluff to end my season 3 of Chuck. Which I don't own. Sadly. _

* * *

It was late when we finally got back to the apartment. Casey stayed behind to oversee the CIA cleaners. He wasn't officially reinstated yet, but agent Carmichael gave the order. He grunted in response (what's new?), but I could swear he was beaming. 'Jeffster' took off with Morgan in tow, after he had quite an intense conversation with Chuck about collecting on an IOU. Something told me I didn't want to know. Chuck and I went back to Castle to debrief general Beckman. There was a lot to explain. At least Chuck used the time to inform her of the team he has chosen for Italy. So now we were officially on leave. Seven days of just being Chuck and Sarah. No spy stuff, no covers, no lies.

Chuck excused himself to go 'slip into something more comfortable'. I smiled to myself. That was supposed to be my line. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and stopped in my tracks. Next to the fridge was an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne. The ice had melted, but the champagne was still cold. There was a note stuck to the cork with something that looked suspiciously like an injection needle. I removed the note and disposed of the needle making sure Chuck wouldn't catch sight of it, given his fear of small sharp objects. The note simply read 'Awesome'. I guess Ellie told her husband the good news. Of course Devon was the only one who understood what this really meant. I shuddered a little. One day Ellie is going to find out the truth. It was inevitable, but when that day comes, I'll take it all on me. I was the one who forced Chuck to lie to her and indirectly I'm responsible for all the lies Devon had to tell his wife.

My thoughts were interrupted when a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind. Chuck gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and rested his chin on my shoulder. "What do you have there?" I showed him the note. "Captain Awesome knows?"

I nodded. "Ellie and I had a talk this morning. She must have told him."

"Yikes," Chuck responded, "you should have pressed your distress button sooner."

I smacked his arm playfully. "It wasn't that bad. Well, it started off a little awkward when she caught me in your bed..." Damn it, I've said too much.

"You slept in my bed last night?" I squeezed my eyes shut. This was a little embarrassing. "I'm sorry I missed it," Chuck continued, not helping my awkwardness at all. I decided to deflect. I placed the note back on the counter, reached back and tangled my fingers in his curls.

"Just shut up and kiss me." Chuck smiled and angled his head to capture my lips. The kiss started off slow, but quickly turned intense. I was going to win so many arguments this way. My breath hitched when his tongue boldly entered my mouth. My knees grew week. Okay, I was going to lose so many arguments this way. It didn't matter. I kissed him back with raw hunger. Chuck's kisses were addictive and I couldn't get enough.

He backed us slowly out of the kitchen. My heart started to pound faster, but then my brain registered that we were moving towards the living room. I broke away from the kiss. "Bedroom's the other way," I breathed and captured his lips again, trying to divert our course. Chuck was stronger and my legs didn't work properly. He sank down on the couch, pulling me sideways onto his lap. His one arm was wrapped around my back, the other pulled my legs up onto the couch. I cradled his face in my hands and continued to kiss him. We had a lot of time to make up for. Eventually we had to come up for air. Our gazes locked. We were both trying to get our breathing under control.

"Are you okay, Chuck?" I was the first to break the silence. I could tell that he wanted to talk about something. After months of keeping his emotions from me, I could read him again. It was a relief. Chuck didn't respond immediately. Instead he just tucked my head under his chin and pulled me closer. I wedged my arm in between his back and the couch. I laid me free hand on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat under my palm.

"I just wanted to make sure this is real."

I captured his hand in mine and entwined our fingers. "It is real." It felt so good to say it, but it also reminded me of the last time I told him that and everything that happened afterwards. I sat up straight and caught his eyes. "My feelings for you have always been real." I was rewarded with a wide Bartowski smile. "I missed that," I whispered and gave him a soft kiss.

"I missed you, Sarah. After I screwed things up in Prague..."

"Chuck, don't. You did the right thing." Deep down I always knew, but it took me a while to accept that fact. I made an impulsive decision back then, one driven out of fear and desperation.

"Yeah, but why does me doing the right thing always end up hurting you?"

"That worked both ways, but no more, okay. Nothing can stop this now. Not the CIA and definitely not my stupid pride."

"It wasn't your pride, sweetheart. I should have handled things differently in Prague. You thought I left you, just like your dad and Bryce did and I should have realised that. I'm so, so sorry."

The sincerity in his eyes almost made me cry. Sometimes I forget just how well he knows me. I swallowed hard. I owed him an apology too. Several in fact. "I'm sorry I didn't let you explain when you came back. And I'm sorry I asked Beckman for a reassignment after you told me that you loved me. I lied to you in the dojo, you could still hurt me and that scared me, but leaving wasn't the answer."

Chuck let go of my hand and gently cupped my cheek. "Are you still scared?" I nodded. For this to work, we need to be honest with each other. "I'm not going to let you down, Sarah."

I gave him a watery smile. "I know. I trust you and I will not push you away again. I promise." We sealed our 'vows' with a kiss. And another.

Things heated up quickly and our conversation was pushed to the back of my mind. There were more pressing matters to take care off. Chuck felt it too, because his arm returned to the back of my knees and he stood up. I broke away from his lips. "I can walk you know." Despite my protest I tightened my grip around his neck.

"I know," he said and gave me the Bartowski eyebrow dance, making me giggle, "and I've seen you do it too." We made our way down the hall. "Now I believe you gave me some directions earlier..." The rest of his words got lost in my mouth. We were so done talking.

Chuck laid me down on the bed, but I didn't let go of my grip around his neck. I pulled his head down for another earth shattering kiss. When his lips finally left mine, I was breathing hard. He settled himself on his side next to me and my stomach fluttered when his fingers brushed over my lower abdomen and his hand captured my hip. He propped himself up on one elbow. His eyes searched my face and I gave him a nod. Just to make sure he understood, I added "make love to me, Chuck." He gave me a heartfelt smile before bending down and brushing his lips over mine.

I've never experienced anything like this before. With every kiss, every touch, Chuck let me know how much he cared. How much he loved me. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I returned it in kind. I never wanted him to doubt that I feel the same way.

When he finally settled over me, our eyes locked and he whispered "I love you, Sarah", and we became one. He stilled for a moment, allowing my body to adjust to him.

With my hand on the back of his neck I pulled myself up slightly. Kissing him along his jaw, I paused when I reached his ear. I wanted to say it. I needed to. "I love you. I can't even remember a time when I didn't. You're the one I've been waiting for my whole life." Chuck gently pushed me back against the mattress, his eyes locked on mine.

"Marry me. I know it's too soon to ask, so don't answer now. Just say yes when you're ready." I could only moan in response as our bodies started to move in a perfect rhythm, like we've done this a hundred times before. I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to touch as much of him as I could.

As the tension started to mound, Chuck's hand found mine. I looked at our entwined fingers on the pillow next to my head and found my voice. With my free hand I cupped the side of his face. "Yes." It came out as a hoarse whisper, so I tried again. "Yes."

Chuck's eyes darkened. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Yes." It felt like my brain got stuck on that word, but then all thoughts fled when his lips crashed onto mine just as we both tumbled over the edge.

* * *

I woke up spooned into Chuck. My first thought was that his arm must be dead seeing as I slept on it. I tried to roll away, but a soft "don't move" made me turn my head instead. Chuck was wide awake.

I got a little suspicious. "Were you staring at me while I slept?" Like I would mind.

"No, I was lovingly gazing." I laughed and gave him a good morning kiss.

"Good morning to you too," he replied when I let him have his lips back. He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were not a morning person?"

"I told you it depended on the morning."

"Ah, and this is a good morning?"

I smiled at him. "The best. We got engaged last night." The past two and half days were crazy and maybe it was madness to say yes so soon, but after my conversation with Ellie yesterday, the thought was never far from my mind. Being kidnapped was just another reminder that we shouldn't waste time. We loved each other and we knew each other better than most couples do. Besides, when have we ever done things the 'conventional' way?

"You're not having second thoughts are you?" Chuck asked when I grew quiet.

"Only about your 'playboy' cover. That means Beckman wants you to seduce marks and Sarah Walker does not share her husband. Not even for the greater good." Not unless the CIA was happy with a dead mark.

Chuck smiled. "I'll tell her, but I think you're jumping the gun a bit. The correct term is fiancé."

I extracted myself from Chuck's embrace and sat up against the headboard, covered in a sheet. He took the plunge last night with his proposal and I have one of my own. "Chuck, would you mind if we got married before we left for Rome?"

Chuck's eyes grew wide. "Sarah, do you think that I...that we...did I..." he was motioning to my stomach region. I was trying very hard not to laugh, but the look on his face was priceless.

"No, sweetie, we were careful," I assured him. We will definitely be discussing babies later. I'm hoping something along the line of when and how many. "I was just thinking that with us off to Italy and Devon and Ellie considering going to Africa, it might be a while before we're all in the same place again. I really want them there and I know you do too."

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Chuck was getting excited, "do you think we can pull it off in a couple of days?"

"Well, we did arrange a wedding for Ellie in a couple of hours. Casey turned out to be a great wedding co-ordinator." I can just imagine the look on his face when we tell him. He'll probably come up with a new grunt.

"So if we can get married say, three days from now, that leaves us with a couple of days for a honeymoon in...maybe Paris?" I knew how badly Chuck wanted to go and how disappointed he must have been when he couldn't get off the plane when he actually was there, so Paris would be perfect. But I couldn't resist teasing him.

"Well, Chuck, would you mind going to Paris a second time and not see the Eifel Tower?" I asked innocently.

He looked a little confused. "Why wouldn't I see it?"

I scooted over to him. Letting the sheet fall, I straddled his hips. I kissed the spot below his ear before whispering "it is a honeymoon after all."

He groaned before responding. "I'll put my paperweight on the nightstand. I'm sure that counts."

I couldn't help but smile. I finally picked a good one.

_

* * *

_

A/N And roll credits. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I love all the reviews. Speaking of which, why don't you let me know what your favourite episode was? Personally I like ep 5, but writing this last one 'as Sarah Walker' was totally awesome.

_I already know what I will be writing next...exams! But watch this space. Coming end November there will be a brand new AU story – the whole gang will be back (minus certain road kill). The Buymore will make way for a brand new and very fun setting for Jeff, Lester, Morgan, Anna, Big Mike (who I adore) and Emmitt (because I think he's so much funnier than Harry Tang). Bryce and Carina will be there to stir things up. Ellie and Devon will bring their awesomeness. Casey will ensure we don't run out of grunts and gunplay. Sarah Walker is about to face her toughest cover job yet. And Chuck has a little surprise for us. There will be drama, humour, action, angst, romance, and of course, Charah. Who do you think you're dealing with here? _

_There may be a few updates on 'Covers', but that's a threat not a promise. I will finish it at some point. The first chapter needs a bit of a rewrite. I suck at codes. Enjoy season 4 of Chuck. I hope it's a good one. _

_Ciao. Kate._


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